Meanderings

In Memoriam

2010-03-19T10:40:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, which would be Saturday in the Philippines will be the day my Lola Pen will be brought to her final resting place -- right next to my Lolo Ting at Bacolod Memorial Park. Due to an appointment I could not reschedule I could not make it home to pay my last respects. My family, loving as they are, understand perfectly and I thank them for that. So, I am left with my sorrow to be borne alone -- well, not completely alone since Junby and Therese are here but it's different.

Reading my cousin's blog post yesterday, her eulogy for Lola Pen led me to reflecting on how much I, too owe who I am and what I am becoming to Lola Pen. I am not a very good cook. I am far from being the likes of Lola Pen and Manang J. Neither am I good with my hands in creating crafts and the like. I am also but a passable homemaker -- my home is more or less in a constant state of near chaos. So what can I say is Lola Pen's influence upon me? I don't think I inherited that much from her. I was saddened by that thought and then I realized something which comforted me somewhat.

Lola Pen was big on loving but loving in a quiet way. No fanfare. No trumpets. Just consistent, day to day loving. I think it is most likely her quiet and consistent loving of her husband and family which influenced me to decide to be a stay-at-home mom. Looking back I realized that growing up, Lola Pen's house was more of my home than our own house was. Both my parents worked and so Honey and I would inadvertently be left in the care of Lolo Ting and Lola Pen. After school -- Lola Pen's house was our destination. Come to think of it, we always referred to their house as Lola Pen's and very rarely Lolo Ting's. I guess it's because that house was her domain. Her spirit permeated the place, kept it in order, provided care, nourishment and shelter for all who entered. Lola Pen never sat down to relax. She was always bustling about, most of the time to cook the next meal. If she wasn't in the kitchen she was around the house cleaning, making sure her home was just that -- a HOME.

She was a good wife, a good mother and a great grandmother. I pray I can be half as good as she was. Lolo Ting loved her fiercely and she loved him well by making their house a home, making sure her daughters grew up to be honest, hardworking, upright, God loving, generous, and fantastic women. I think my mom and her siblings are strong women because they had a very good role model in Lola Pen. I hope and pray I can pass on all these to Therese and the other children God will bless us with.

I love you Lola Pen. I'm pretty sure Lolo Ting is glad to have his "Joy" with him finally.

A Quick One. . .

2009-08-16T14:39:00.002+08:00

Just wanted to send off one short post before calling it a day? Why? Simply because I just wanted to express how much I am grateful for all that is in my life today. This morning Junby and I with Therese attended BCBP NorCal's breakfast. As part of the Breakfast program, someone shared his life testimony in an effort to showcase how much God can love each and everyone of us. It was a good reminder to keep my eyes and heart open to that truth -- God is with me in every detail of my life, if I but only take the time to look. After a quick lunch at Happi House we headed home to give Therese her afternoon nap.

When Therese woke up from her nap, we went to a family gathering, a small get together for one of Junby's nieces who was leaving for Paris for a 4 month study program. I had to leave Junby and Therese there though since Karen and I had to head off to St Maria Goretti parish for the Baptism Preparation Class we were facilitating. It was a considerably smaller group than the first one I had conducted a few months ago so we ended earlier than expected. I just pray that some of the words I spoke regarding the sacrament of Baptism and the gift that God bestows on us through it, will find good soil and bear fruit. I hold on to the promise Jesus gave in saying His word would not return to Him without it doing the work He intended it to do. That is as much as we can hope, right. We are but bearers of the Truth but it is God who can convert hearts and renew minds. That's why I am not particularly worried :)

After the class, we headed back to the family gathering -- to the food and company that awaited us. We headed home after a few hours later. During that time with family and friends I realized that Therese would be turning a year older next month! I looked at our baby, who was happily crawling around, cautiously approaching the pet dog and standing while holding on to various people's legs and furniture -- and I marveled -- that God would entrust such a sweet soul to our care...It still boggles my mind and fills my heart with gratefulness.

Thank you Lord for blessing my life so richly. I fail to thank you at times because I fall into the rut of thinking these are mine by right. Today, I was reminded that all these are gifts -- undeserved, unmerited yet given with such love and care that I cannot help but say -- Thank you. By thy grace may I give these gifts back to you, having cared for them the way you believed I would. Amen.

Natapos din...

2009-08-09T14:35:00.002+08:00

Today, we had BCBP's annual summer picnic. This time, Junby and I spearheaded the event and by God's grace, all went well -- the weather was perfect (sunny yet with enough breeze to cool everyone), there was enough food (with some left over to take home and feast upon for the next couple of days, and there was a good mix of old friends and new ones to make the day interesting.

It was a welcome change to be concerned over something other than the state of Therese's sleep patterns, the upkeep of my small home, and the number of things on my 'to do' list that remain 'to be done' rather than 'done'. Organizing the picnic brought me back to when I would organize events as part of my normal job description and I found myself reveling in knowing what needed to be done next. Quite unlike how my life has been the past months.

I have yet to find a training course for motherhood on the web :) It's a full-time job, 24/7, no vacation or sick leave available and the payment is through toothless smiles (for now), coos and gurgling laughter. I wouldn't have it any other way but it was good to be able to exercise some of the stuff I used to know and find that I can still do them quite competently after all, however much I think I am failing in my current job. :)

The day is drawing to a close. I thank God for His abiding grace and providence. Natapos din...I say that with relief and just a bit of regret, that what I had known how to do is now done and now I am back to learning how to be a mom. :)

to blog or not to blog

2009-07-27T14:01:00.003+08:00

It's been a long while since I blogged, several months in fact though I doubt if my not doing so has any effect on anyone :) I'm not a prolific blogger not because I have nothing to say -- its just that I either do not have the time to do it (preferring to spend my time entertaining my less than a year old daughter or being available for my husband when he comes home from work) or I would rather keep my thoughts private. Besides I don't have a following that needs to be kept updated on what I do most of the time (I subject those mundane and trivial updates for those who follow me on twitter -- poor souls who, by getting my monotonous tweets I think serve their time in purgatory already).

Why have I then chosen to blog after months of silence? I'm not quite sure. I guess it's one way I know to get outside my head and hopefully connect to someone out there in the great unknown of cyberspace...strike a chord of recognition in someone else who might at one or another have felt the way I am feeling now. How do I feel now? Not too bad.

It's been a good day -- pretty mundane actually but its these little pockets of time just being a family that I hope I will remember when I grow old and forgetful about most other things. We attended mass at 11:00 am where Junby plays the guitar for the Filipino choir, had lunch at Ninang Liklik's, then home for a nap. It was warm today so napping with the AC on was a good option. Therese was able to nap for almost two hours -- a major feat these days since she has been sleeping poorly (days and nights) due to her emerging baby teeth (or so I think). At around 5 we decided to go down to the pool. Luckily we had the place to ourselves so we got to swim a few laps, Junby and I taking turns holding Therese while the other swam laps, and spend a few minutes relaxing at the adjoining jacuzzi. It was then time to go home, shower, eat dinner and put Therese to bed.

So why blog now? I guess its my effort to get out of this somewhat melancholic mood I find myself in. I wish I could have blogged about the times Therese first started to crawl or when she started walking around the living room by holding on to various pieces of furniture. Those would have been more upbeat and perky blogs but it was precisely those times I chose to give my full attention to living life rather than writing about it. For those who had to read through this blog, thank you. Somehow you have helped me feel connected even for just a few moments. That's it for now. Don't wish to subject anyone else further to my mundane musings...besides I just heard the baby cry -- time to get back to my world as isolated as it seems to me right now....

Twice in one day...

2009-04-03T12:38:00.003+08:00

Unbelievable as it may sound but we have just experienced having our car broken into twice today. Yup, twice in the span of a few hours. This is my first brush with lawlessness here in the US. I am just thankful that none of those I love has been hurt in the process. Yeah, we lost some stuff but "stuff" are replaceable even though some of those stuff were somewhat expensive. Yet I choose to look at these incidents today in a more positive light -- no one from my family got hurt in the process. But my poor husband...Here's how it happened.

When Junby was about to leave for the office this morning that's when he saw that the front passenger seat's window was all smashed up! Smashed up into tiny pieces with a few shards clinging to the frame.
The broken glass you see on the ground next to the car was what was left of the window. We surmised that the person must have seen the mount for the GPS on the dashboard and so decided to steal it since the mount was gone. The glove compartment was open so we surmised they thought the GPS unit was in it. Luckily, Junby makes a habit of brining the unit with him everytime he comes down from the car. So, not finding the GPS unit they decided to take some of the CDs , Junby's MP3 player (which he had just upgraded with a 16MB memory card) and a flashlight that Junby kept in the front. It was a good thing those were the only things the person took. He didn't check the trunk which had contained Junby's equipment which he uses for the choir practice -- his mini AMP, etc. So my poor husband didn't get to report to work since he had to inform the insurance about the break-in, bring the car, which we had fondly dubbed "SMURF" since it's small and blue, to the auto bodyshop for repair and get a rental car to use.

Junby and I were half-jokingly telling each other, this must be Satan's way of destroying our peace since last night Junby and I took part in the parish's reconciliation service and availed of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We thought that was the end of it but nope. More was to come.

Junby left for choir practice which was held at the parish of St. Maria Goretti. I went up to put Therese to bed. At around 9 pm, Junby calls to tell me that the rental car he's using got broken into again! Someone smashed the window and this time took his belt pouch which was partly hidden under the seat. So now he has to inform the rental company that the car has been broken into. What was lost? The belt pouch contained his camera (which had photos of Therese and whatnot, some of which he had not downloaded yet :( ), his cellphone which had his philippine sim and other stuff.

What is going on?!? When I talked to Junby's cousin to tell her the news, she said it could be that the people who did the first job were mad that they didn't really get anything of value from our car and they might have actually watched him, followed him and decided to see if they could get more this time. At this point I don't think its too farfetched an idea. And to think that it was only his rental car that was broken into, and in the parking lot of a church.

What's also ironic is that our apartment is situated in a gated community. The gates are closed at night and supposedly only residents with the remote can get in. Go figure. Just when you think you are quite safe, things like this happen to remind you to be vigilant. Sigh. It's been a rough day all around, for my husband most especially. Yet, I still thank God that nothing worse has happened to him or to us. I continue to pray that this will be the end of it. I can only pray that God will help protect all those I love from further harm. Keep us in your prayers too.

In the midst of all these events, I can still say though that God has been good. It could have been worse...

Little joys

2009-03-04T08:01:00.008+08:00

Each day is a chance for new wonders to be explored. Seen from the eyes of my 5 month old baby, the world is indeed new and exciting. We are blessed to have such an even-tempered child (so far that's how she seems to be emerging as in terms of temperament and disposition). She greets each morning with a smile and now even though she has a cold, she's been quiet and just trying to get by and not fussing a lot.

I too have a bad cold which unfortunately I have passed on to her. I pity her sniffing and trying to breathe through a clogged nose. Its times like this that you just wish you could take on your child's illness instead of letting her suffer. Since she doesn't know how to blow her nose either, she just takes it and cries a little when she can't take it na.

Last weekend, Junby and I visited Costco to stock up on stuff here at home. Costco sells stuff in bulk and therefore it comes out cheap. While walking the aisles, Junby was carrying Therese and as is her fashion, she just drifted off to sleep :)

That's how easygoing she generally is. Then Junby put together the high chair that was a gift to us during one of the baby showers for us. See her delight? :) Makes me smile in response. :)
The next day I was able to sit her there while I did some chores. She found a way to occupy herself with a teething toy I had given her..

Ah, my little joy :) Thank you Lord for smiling back at me through my daughter. :)

Time does indeed fly by fast...

2009-02-28T09:19:00.006+08:00

It's been almost two months since I last blogged. That does not mean nothing has been happening in my life. To the contrary, a lot of milestones have come and gone, most especially when it comes to my daughter, Thérèse. She turned 5 months a few days ago and she has come a long way from the time we brought her home.

A few months ago, my greatest concern was how I was unable to fully satisfy her nutritional needs through breastfeeding. Since then I've made peace with the reality that I need to supplement her feeding with formula. If it's for her betterment, I'm willing to let go of the 'shoulds' and live with the 'coulds'. These past months my concern has been her need for quality sleep. She's a light sleeper and the slightest noise wakes her. After two hours of trying to get her to sleep, having her wake up so easily was kind of frustrating. I remember many a nights wherein I found myself crying out to Mary to help me put Thérèse to sleep. Nowadays my concern is how to teach her how to soothe herself to sleep when she wakes up. I don't remember how I was taught to go back to sleep by myself so Junby and I are reading up on the methods. There are the Cry It Out Methods and the No Cry Methods. Hopefully by next week we can decide between us which method to try with Thérèse.

We started Thérèse on semi-solids last week for breafast. So far she's getting the hang of it. She now opens her mouth expectantly when we sit down for breakfast. She has better control of her hands now and finds her toes fascinating.

Last Wednesday she was also blessed and signed with the cross in ashes.

A lot is still to come and I am just grateful I have this chance to take care of her full-time and to be part of her wonder at the world. Thérèse's delight at most things helps me see why God calls us to be like little children. A sense of wonder cannot fail to bring us to an experience of the Divine.

Malamig ang simoy ng hangin...

2008-12-13T16:33:00.002+08:00

That particular line has been especially true as winter sets in here in San Jose, California. I know it's not as cold as it couf ld get in other parts of this country but its cold enough for me to start wearing boots, a scarf, jacket, gloves and woolly cap. The cold and the slowly emerging Christmas lights and decorations make me long for Christmas back home. :)

First Christmas away from my mama, sister, niece, lola and the rest of my mom's family. . .Its times like these that I wish there was a way to bring both worlds together into one space. Maybe someday that would be possible.

It will be a different Chritmas. This will be our first Christmas as a new family -- Junby, myself and Therese. I wonder what sort of Christmas traditions will we institute. Maybe next time I can actually manage to decorate our humble abode with Christmas decors. :)

For now, I hope and pray that in the midst of a foreign land, I too, like the shepherds of old would get to experience the presence of Him who is the reason for the season inspite of the lack of the other things Christmas is commonly associated with. :)

a thousand and one things

2008-12-11T09:11:00.002+08:00

I type this out with one hand since I'm cradling my 11 week old baby with my other hand as she quietly sleeps after feeding time...

There are indeed a thousand and one things I'd like to blog about and a thousand and one things I need to do around the house, yet there seems to be no time to do them at all. in the past weeks I have learned to be grateful for being able to do the littlest thing like get the laundry done, make dinner for my husband, put away some stuff. Most of the time I now spend caring and seeing to the needs of Therese and I'm glad and grateful to have the chance to do it. There are just times I wish I had more time to do the other stuff needed to make a home -- one that is orderly and clean, thank you.

I guess this is the time Junby has to live with the 'could be better' phase. He's been very supportive and I commend him for being patient about coming home at times to find dinner has yet to be made and its already 8 in the evening. I stress over that but one smile from Therese puts things in perspective. Well, speaking of Therese, now that she is asleep, I better get dinner done and stop wasting my time bemoaning my lack of time :P

hope i can blog later on the thousand and one thoughts I have had throughout the day as I care for this thousand in one blessing to me, my daughter. 'til then...

a quick note

2008-10-18T15:20:00.002+08:00

It's been a looooooooong while since I blogged. There are so many things that I want to blog about but with a new baby to deal with, it all just remains in my head. I had 25 hours of labor to endure but with God's help and the encouragement of my husband, my cousin-in-law, Karen and the team of medical personnel at Kaiser Santa Teresa, I was able to bring into this world a beautiful baby girl. :)

I don't have much time to elaborate on all the details of her delivery and subsequent four weeks of life so far. Neither do I have time to post all the pictures we've taken of her so far (several shots per day), that's why I've decided to just post here the links to my husband's different sites where you may view the photos of our baby girl. All in all, God is indeed to be praised. Every day I marvel at the wonder of this new life we have been entrusted with.

Here are the links:

First week: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=36401&l=1b659&id=751056887
Second week: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=37285&l=06b09&id=751056887Third week: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38397&l=de662&id=751056887
Fourth week: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=39194&l=46e03&id=751056887
Studio pictorial (2 weeks): http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=39430&l=eae0a&id=751056887

Check them out and enjoy. When my life settles into a routine (somewhat) maybe I can find time to blog in detail the little discoveries I have each day regarding being a mother and a wife since these are the major roles in my life now.

Keep us all in your prayers!

The Waiting Game

2008-09-20T02:16:00.002+08:00

Well, it's more or less two weeks before my due date. . . and as the title of this post states we're doing the waiting game. :) The past two weeks I had a deadline with Misyon which kept me occupied and therefore no time to really brood over Therese's coming. Now that that deadline is behind me, I have time on my hands to think about it.

I did share with our midwife my anxiety -- since I'm not very good when it comes to handling physical pain but she did reassure me that I need to focus on the belief that I can do this. That was reassuring. I'm praying to Mama Mary to be my guide during labor and eventual delivery. We pray for a safe delivery for Therese as well -- no complications and whatnot.

So what do I do while I play this waiting game? Well, there's still a lot of fixing up to do here at home. We've already put together a little cabinet and drawer for her which contains the clothes she would need for the first few months. The rest of the stuff that were passed on to us or given are in clear boxes and labeled accordingly. It is good indeed to have lots of relatives who are willing to pass on baby clothes and the like. It truly helps in cutting back costs. The baby shower gifts have also been a big help. We have most of what we need -- bassinet, diaper disposal can, even diapers for newborns! We've also put together the bag we will be bringing to the hospital with us.

I think Therese will make her appearance more or less on schedule. I'm due October 4. I'm praying she comes on October 3 -- which is St Therese of Lisieux's Feast Day. Keep us in your prayers. Anyway, enough meandering -- time to go and fix up stuff so that while waiting I'm still productive after all. :)

A Weekend of Surprises :)

2008-08-28T06:49:00.007+08:00

Yup, my Saturday and Sunday was full of surprises. First was Saturday...

It started out as an ordinary lazy Saturday. We had time to sleep in and had breakfast at around 10:30 or so. We decided to do some cleaning up (swiffering -- that's when you use a swiffer in lieu of a broom and a mop since a swiffer is basically a broom and mop in one. One of the new inventions that I've discovered here in the US. Our swiffer even has a mini-vacuum built in) and putting the house in order (sort of). I'm really glad we did (although as Junby later on said, I should have been more suspicious when he became quite amendable to cleaning house) since turns out a whole battalion (or so it seemed to me at the time) was about to descend upon our humble abode. We were waiting for Kate, one of our single friends in BCBP to arrive since she had asked to have lunch with us that day. Unbeknowest to me, it was all part of an elaborate plan to surprise me with a baby shower. When I heard a knock on the door, I went to answer it, thinking I'd see Kate standing at the threshold. To my surprise, she was indeed standing there but along with a lot of other people, all of whom had food and boxes all wrapped up. They trooped into the house, laid all the food on the available surfaces and the party began!

I didn't have to prepare a thing except cook up a batch of rice since that was the one thing they all forgot to bring. I had a great time, and we had a lot of food left-over for dinner and even the rest of the week. They even had games prepared complete with prizes! Ang galing talaga! Our big thanks to Kate, Lau, Hannah, Ate Edith and the rest of the gang for all the preparations. I truly felt loved and baby Therese surely thanks you as well for all the love you've showered upon us all. Here are some pictures from that party:

A diaper cake. Yup, made of real diapers. First time I've seen one :) Thanks to Hannah, Lau and their roommate for making this. :)

My husband who is the co-conspirator for the surprise party. See how much I love him? :)

One of the many games Kate had prepared for the party. That's Ate Edith trying her best to transfer cotton balls onto another bowl blindfolded. :)
Gift opening time! Thanks to everyone for all your gifts. Therese will indeed not want for anything. :)

Ito ang mga salarin! Kain uli. Napagod sa games and gift opening. At ang dami pang food natira. From left: me, Lau, Hannah, Ate Edith and Kate (the head conspirator). Thanks to all of you :) Truly Junby and I with Therese am blessed to have you as our friends and community brothers and sisters!

Ok. I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong. Sunday was still around the corner and this time, it was Junby's family's turn -- particularly our Ninang Liklik and the head honcho for this operation is Karen, Junby's cousin on his mother's side. :) Thanks girl for the love and all the effort you put into the party! :)

I'll continue the narrative sometime tomorrow. I need to get to work na. :)

A post ... finally!

2008-08-21T07:40:00.006+08:00

Hi folks!

I know I have been remiss in blogging the past weeks. I have several valid reasons for not doing so but the past week or so, its more or less due to my own laziness which has crept in. The first valid reason was because we lost internet connection at home and had to wait for it to be installed. Along with the internet connection, we got a landline and cable TV and that is another reason why I haven't blogged. I get sucked into the TV! That's why I've resolved not to open the TV until I'm done with specific 'to do' stuff :)

Anyway, I've finally mustered up enough energy to actually blog a little. Maybe I can get back into the groove of blogging after this :) I've finally attended a Breastfeeding class offered by our medical provider, Kaiser. It was very informative. We had baby dolls to practice the different holds there are to nurse a baby. I just hope I can actually breastfeed Therese. Junby and I are inclined to try it since breastfeeding does have a lot of advantages for both mother and child. Karen, Junby's cousin also suggested I not leave the hospital until I get the help I need in terms of getting the baby to breastfeed since its harder to get the help once we get home.

Also, Junby and I have finally had our pictorial two weeks ago. The photos were done by Ryan, Junby's cousin, who does photos for events like weddings and such. You can check out his work at his website: www.247Media.org

Here are some of my favorite shots from the pictorials. And yes, I have gained a lot but I'm looking to lose the extra pounds when I've given birth and all. :) The rest of the pictures are found here.

Well, that's all for now. Will think of other things to blog about next time. Tomorrow will be another prenatal visit and on friday an express childbirth preparation class. Express since we're doing this at a late time in my pregnancy already :) Continue to keep us in your prayers especially for a safe and normal delivery. Thanks everyone and God bless!

The 'glow' of pregnancy

2008-07-08T14:33:00.004+08:00

The title is quite deceiving. I just wanted to have something that might place in a more favorable light, how I look now. I did promise to upload recent pictures of myself but I'm shy so I'm just sharing the pictures I gave to Junby for Father's Day. Yup, even if baby Therese (that's the name we are thinking of giving our little girl) isn't out of the womb yet, her very existence makes Junby a Father and me a mother (grabe, as in -- kinda surreal pa rin even if I get kicks now and again which somehow 'drive home' the point).

Urged by Junby's cousin, Karen, I had screwed up the courage to have a formal portrait done at Picture People. Karen had coupons allowing us to have our pictures done and you can choose one for free, out of all the shots. It was all hush-hush since we wanted to surprise Junby for Father's Day. I ended up borrowing a dress Karen had just purchased for the pictorial. The shots came out pretty decent but it took me a while to get over my shyness at having myself photographed by a complete stranger. Though he was good at making me feel at ease and Karen's presence and wisecracks kept me from feeling too self-conscious. These photos show me at five months or so. I'm now on my 28th week or starting into my 6th month so I have definitely gained weight and my tummy is now more pronounced. I have yet to schedule another appointment. Maybe this time with Junby in the picture. . . .

So for all those wondering how I look pregnant, feast your eyes on these (hehehe) . . . .

Ang galing talaga ni Lord, noh? It still blows us away that we are given the chance to create life with Him. We have helped him create a new soul that will, one day sing praises to Him who is worthy of all praise! Please contiinue to keep us in your prayers, most especially for Therese, that she might continue to grow in mind, body and spirit and be delivered safely when the time comes. Thank you! More next time. . . .

Simple Pleasures....

2008-07-08T14:11:00.003+08:00

Yup, since I'm a simple girl, it takes very little to make me happy. Junby still marvels at my apparent delight in opening letters with a letter opener (there's just something about the sound of paper giving way under constant pressure and it opens in a straight line), or even placing stamps on envelopes (I did warn you, mababaw lang talaga ako :P ). Anyway, last Saturday, we finally received the first wave of furniture we had invested in!

Yup, our little home is starting to become more of a home than a large warehouse :P. We finally got the headboard, my dresser and Junby's dresser and our futon. Pictures? Nah, next time na, when everything is in place. The long weekend was actually very productive for Junby and myself. He somehow got inspired by the expected arrival of our furniture, he started to put together the second of two DVD cases we had ordered via Overstock.com. These were largely for his considerable DVD collection. With the arrival of the futon, he also put together the dining room set I had purchased a month ago from Ikea. It was quite a deal -- a table with four chairs for $199.00.

Since we had the futon already, we could now use the throws from Overstock and the three large pillows from Ikea. It was a tight squeeze though since we had already assembled Junby's chair but we managed. It just motivates me to start working on the other stuff to make space for what is truly essential. Now I am looking forward to the prospect of putting more order onto our closet since I have the dressers for some specific stuff. That's basically what made me happy over the weekend: the arrival of some of our furniture, the fact that I can now start putting some order into things and most importantly, my husband did all these things without me having to ask him twice :) Isn't he sweet indeed? I told him before, I hate nagging and I'm just thankful he's helping me not get into that rut. Also there is such a thing as the virtue of patience which I am slowly....oh so slowly growing in (or so I hope :P ).

In the quiet of a library...

2008-06-27T08:13:00.003+08:00

Hi folks! I know its been a looooong while since I blogged. I keep promising myself I'd write down this particular incident or that but then something always comes up to keep me from writing it. I do plan to blog in later posts how my birthday went (yup, its been that long) and how Father's Day went (yup, I still remember) and how generally life is shaping up for me here.

Those are for later posts though. Right now, I'm grabbing the opportunity to get a few words in before I continue the grind of working on the pile of stuff I have to do for Misyon that have been stacking up the past days. I am writing this post inside the Cecil H. Green Library in Stanford College. Yup, Stanford. This is not because I am now a student here (wish ko lang) but rather I am once a guest in this prestigious institution. :P At least I can imagine myself as being a scholarly individual again (even for just a few hours). The campus is beautiful and facilities are great and as usual its 5:20 in the afternoon but the light outside is more like 4:30 in the afternoon :)

Why am I in Stanford? Well for the simple reason that its the only place I can hang out in while waiting for my husband to finish up at work so we can go to Ikea together to pick out his chair. Since someone donated a rocking chair for me, he's supposed to have his own chair too (that's according to him of course). Since our good friend Eena studies and works in Stanford (which I learned is its own city, complete with its very own zip code) I got to spend half of my day here again. The atmosphere is so conducing to work though that I was able to work on three stories while I am here in contrast to when I am just at home working. Feeling Stanford student siguro :P Well, that's all for now.

I will post those promised kwentos next time but suffice it to say that in all the things that have been happening, I see God's loving hand in each of them. He always has a surprise for me within each day and though I miss family and friends back in the Philippines, I learn day in and day out that God is indeed sufficient. :) Hope all is well with all of you! 'til next time. . . :P

After three weeks...

2008-06-10T13:59:00.003+08:00

Ok, its been three weeks since I arrived in San Jose, California and I have been meaning to write a post about how things have been but the combination of laziness and too many things happening have become a handy excuse to let the opportunities to blog slide :) Besides, what may I blog about? My days have been pretty ordinary but then I have been learning several things as I went about trying to adjust, etc. I've decided to make a list to come across as somehow being more organized (that being how I want my life and our little home to be the past days).

Stuff I learned in the past 3 weeks or so of being in the Land of Milk and Honey (or so most people believe):

1. Shy away from converting dollar prices to its peso equivalent. Yup, friends I've spoken to before I came here were right, so is my husband -- true you earn in dollars here but you also spend in dollars so however much you earn (especially when converted in peso), most of the things you spend for are also paid for in dollars. So thriftiness is still the key. Its a good thing Karen, Junby's cousin has been bringing me along to all the discount stores and shops here. I've been taking her word for it most of the time when she says something is a good deal. I have yet to know when something is truly a steal. :P

2. Coupons are the way to go. Coupons work here! If we ignore coupons in the Philippines, the opposite is true here. Coupons do help in shaving off several dollars in one's meal, grocery and even services (like getting your photo done).

3. They don't use a 'tabo' here :P I only got our tabo from the Asian stores, which are quite numerous in California since a lot of Asians have chosen to make this more temperate state their home. I still cringe at the amount of water wasted whenever we have to take a shower. One has to let the water run for a minute or two before the heater kicks in and I definitely, do not wish to bathe in ice cold water. So water is flowing uninterrupted while we wait for it to heat up. Sayang ang tubig! I recall the water rationing we have to do in the Philippines especially during summer months in Manila. Hayyy...

4. Leftovers are almost always a certainty when eating out. The portions here are so large that we usually end up taking part of the meal home. Only the Filipinos do that I think. I saw most people leave uneaten food on their plate when we went out and ate dinner at Chilis one evening.

5. In the State of California, driving is almost always a necessity. There were only a handful of cabs around and these I saw when we passed by the SFO airport on the way to Daly City. Most people drive their own cars and since they drive in miles per hour unlike in the Philippines where our speed limit is in kilometers per hour, taking a cab is more a rarity than a necessity.

6. I learned from our Ninang Liklik that the State of California, also known as the Golden State is called thus because the grass in California turn yellow from lack of water thus giving the hillsides its 'golden' color. Actually, if not for the irrigation, much of California would be desert.

7. The sun does not set until latest so far 9 in the evening! This is because its the summer months. They assure me that come October, 6 o'clock in the evening then would be pitch black. Its still disconcerting to realize that its already 8 in the evening and dusk is just settling in.

8. Their offices here are surrounded by trees and nature. Also, the cluster of buildings of a company are called campuses. As expected things are more technologically advanced (i.e. a motion detector is found in most offices. It turns off lights in the room if no motion is detected within the room for a certain amount of time. Part of their energy saving measures).

9. The microwave is an essential part of the kitchen and a wife's life. There are meals that you just pop into the microwave a voila! a meal in under a minute. As for me though, nothing still beats food that is cooked from scratch or at the very least requires some other steps before it can be palatable.

10. Lastly for this list -- cellphones here are used more for calls rather than for text messages. Only the Filipinos text. I guess it ties up with the American way of doing things -- instantaneously.

As Junby says, life in the US is not necessarily better than life in the Philippines. Its just different. Both worlds hold their own list of advantages and disadvantages. What is important I guess is to not forget who you are even as you venture out into discovering who else you can be. :) That's all for now folks! Will post pictures of my trip in San Francisco in my multiply blog. More posts to come in the future, I hope :)

God is Good

2008-05-28T00:30:00.002+08:00

Hi folks! I'm writing this from the warmth of our bed in San Jose, California. Yup! I'm finally where I'm supposed to be -- with my husband and truly starting our family life. :) While thinking of an appropriate title for this post, I couldn't help but smile and thank God for His goodness to me and my family. :) After all the prayers uttered by you, our family and friends, God in His good time has brought me here to be by my husband's side finally. That, I think, is one major concern that is now lifted from Junby's heart.

We arrived last night, around 9 pm SF time. Leaving the confines of the plane, I thought I had entered a fully air conditioned building, only to learn from Junby that that was how it actually is outside in SF! Brrrr....I'm blessed though since I arrive at the beginning of summer. Another blessing is that one side benefit of being pregnant is having a higher than my normal body temperature. So I think baby is keeping me warm din :P So much so I can walk around in silk pajamas and feet shod in warm socks puttering around our kitchen kanina putting things away, etc.

We were met at the airport by Josh, Junby's handsome cousin (oh, Josh pinupuri na kita dito!). We first went to the condo to drop off our luggage then Josh drove us to Ninang Liklik's home so Junby can pick up our car. We were supposed to do it quietly so as not to wake Tita Liklik and Tito but Tito was up so we chatted a bit, Junby and I raided Tita Liklik's ref for a late night meal and we were on our way home at about 1:30 in the morning :) Junby and I were still feeling awake since it was just afternoon in the Philippines but we hoped to sleep since Junby has work today, the poor dear.

There's a lot to fix up here at the condo but I'm excited as the realization that this is my home is slowly sinking in. How this home turns out is up to me and Junby. I have to remind myself though to take it easy this first day. After all, I am pregnant (I sometimes forget :P unless I see myself in a mirror :P) and I'm still supposed to be adjusting with jet lag and all. Though at the moment I don't feel tired but still best to keep at a slower pace :)

For the first time, I got to 'prepare' breakfast for Junby here at our own place. I say 'prepare' since I don't feel I really did anything since most of what we did for this morning was to microwave stuff :P That goes against my traditional view of cooking but since we don't have pots and pans and stuff like that I'm experiencing the American way of doing things :P. Hopefully sometime this week I can get myself some kitchenware and try my hand at real cooking. I'm nowhere near a good cook as my cousin J, but they all say it's practice and since Junby is committed to me for life, he has no choice. Hehehe.

Anyway, this post is getting quite long. Will take a nap now since its supposedly near to 1 am in the Philippines. Hope my husband is ok at work since he doesn't have the luxury of sleeping like I do. All in all, God is good indeed. All is Grace, don't you agree?

Thank you for all your prayers!

2008-05-16T13:43:00.003+08:00

Hello folks! Only now do I have the time and the opportunity to write off a quick post about my visa interview last May 13, 2008.

I left for Manila May 5, 2008 so that I can have my medical examination at St. Luke's Medical Center Extension Clinic at Ermita early the next day. Come May 6, 2008 I went to SLMC with my mother-in-law, Mommy Ester. We got there at around 7 AM and there was already a long line of people filing in. I was number 132. I filled out the forms required and waited for my name to be called. After the form was assessed I had my picture taken then lined up to pay. As of this month, they had increased the fees from $182 to $213. Yup, that's right -- the fees were in dollars, but we had to pay in its peso equivalent. Ouch! It was in payment mostly for the vaccines that they required us to have. Though as it turns out, I wasn't given any vaccinations due to my pregnancy. Wonder if I could get a refund? Hehehe

Junby and I had decided not to avail of the x-ray they asked for, as part of our precaution for the baby's health but as the lady in charge of the x-ray lab explained to me, I could opt not to have an x-ray done now but instead wait until I give birth then have my x-ray done. The only catch was my medical records will not be released and will have to reschedule my visa interview to a later date -- meaning when I choose to have my x-ray done. Talk about choices. What sort of choice does that leave me then?! I was silently fuming at that. If anything happens to my baby and I can trace it to that x-ray procedure, God help that woman...grrr....Left with no choice I submitted myself to the x-ray procedure. They did have a shield of sorts for the abdomen but still, I can just pray that such exposure didn't harm the baby in any way. I was done by 3 pm. I was asked to go back the next day at 9 am to pick up the results, so we happily went home with the knowledge that at least the next day, all I had to do was pick up the results. Wrong.

May 7, 2008 was a wasted day for me. I got to SLMC extension clinic quarter to nine, dropped my receipt in the designated box and chose a seat to wait for my name to be called. Though there was a warning that our results will not be given out on a first come, first served basis but rather on the complexity of our medical case, I didn't expect to be sitting there until 3:30 pm only to hear my name being announced on the PA system to proceed to the immunization center. When I followed up and informed them that the physician who saw me the day before had already indicated I was not to receive any immunization shots, they told me to go back to the releasing area to wait for my name to be called...again. All in all, I finally got my x-ray plate and immunization record (which were the only ones they released to me, the rest of my medical records together with my passport and 2 pcs of 2x2 pics were going to be delivered to the US embassy by SLMC) at around 5:30 pm!?!?! Hayyyyy....good thing I went there on my own that second day. Kawawa naman ang mother-in-law ko if she accompanied me pa. I ended up making friends with the people to my right and my left after sitting there for the whole day, it seemed like a better option than silently fuming over the waste of my time there. :P

Junby had decided to come home to be with me during the visa interview and I was glad for his presence that day. We went to the US embassy and were at the gates by 6:40 having been advised to show up an hour before our scheduled interview at 7:30. There was already a line there but thankfully it moved quickly. I was impressed by the efficiency of how the folks at US embassy handled the crowds. Though our numbers weren't called in order, the turnover was quick. Good thing we had gone there having prepared our documents the day before so there was no need to scrounge around for all the different documents we were supposed to submit. We were done with the interview by 10:30 am. I remember telling myself not to smile too widely as we left the consular office where we were interviewed. Thank God the lady who interviewed us was quite pleasant. She just confirmed some details, looked at some of the photographs we submitted and pleasantly said there were no problems and my visa application was approved! Praise be to God!

Junby's presence there also helped, I guess. Both for me emotionally and for the consular officer and the pre-screening personnel. At the pre-screening the lady asked him to explain how he got to be in the US if we had met way back in college, etc. So all in all, it went well. Thank you for all your prayers! Now we are waiting for my visa to be delivered, which we hope to receive in the coming days and then its off to the US by the 26th God willing. So keep us in your prayers folks and thank you, thank you, thank you!

Songs from the past...

2008-05-03T21:25:00.002+08:00

When I hear the strains of these songs, I am brought back to the times I spent lazy Sundays with Papa. These memories now are a comfort. . .

At it again...

2008-04-17T11:30:00.002+08:00

I woke up early this morning, the second time for this week. The first time was last Wednesday to pick up my passport from the DFA in Iloilo and to have my Teacher's License changed from my maiden name to my married name. DFA wasn't so bad since I only had to pick up my updated passport, which I got by 8:30 AM. PRC was another matter altogether. We were unfortunate enough to join the mass of nursing students filing for their board exam in June so we found ourselves at the tail end of the line (which was on the street but began three floors up to the door of the PRC office) just to get a number so we could enter and get the steps from the information desk. Each time we had to go through the next step, we had to line up again for a new number. talk about inefficiency. The office was also quite small and so if your number isn't up yet you had to wait outside in the claustrophobic hallway with its limited seats. So more often than not, you find yourself standing for an hour or more just waiting for your number to be serviced. By God's grace we got to finish all the required steps by 2:40, and was able to make it back to the pier and take the 3:30 ferry back to Bacolod.

This second time, I lined up for my NBI clearance at 6 in the morning. Yup, 6 AM. And I was number 40 on the list already. Then we had to wait for the office to actually open at 8 AM. Then they called us by name according to the list, gave us forms then lined up for them to check if we filled it all out and then fingerprinting -- all the fingers on both hands! :-o then you go to the next portion of the building to wait for your number to be called to pay the cashier, get your photo done and hopefully your NBI clearance. If you are one of the unlucky ones like myself, and you get a 'hit' on your name, you are asked to come back after 15 days for verification. A 'hit', I learned is when they find amongst their records someone with the same name or last name as yours. So as luck would have it I had a hit and I need to go back to them on the 30th of April. That means another early morning lining up, and missing work until 10 am (if you are lucky) :P

O well, this is something I need to do since the NBI clearance is needed for the visa interview on May 13. Sigh. It's just that its so tiring and a waste of valuable time. :( May God give me strength when I'm at it again come the 30th. Keep my interview in your prayers! Thanks :)

A Testimony of Gratefulness

2008-04-11T16:32:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was a blessed day, as if every day isn't :P I got to confirm my visa interview at the US Embassy. It will be on May 13, 2008 at 7:30 AM. So now, its time to storm heaven once again so that when I go through my interview, they won't find anything wrong with my papers and will approve my application by the end of the interview.

That schedule was an answered prayer through the intercession of St Therese of Liseaux. Junby and I have been praying to her the past months for my visa approval to be given by the month of May. I see the schedule as part of her answer to my petitions. :) Today, as I pondered on God's goodness, a song from Touched by an Angel came to mind. Here is that particular portion of that episode...Enjoy and may your heart sing in praise of God even in the midst of situations that bring us to tears...:)

A peek into my womb :)

2008-04-09T14:19:00.004+08:00

Hi folks! Here is the first look at our baby. . . I think Junby's penchant for anime might be find expression in our kid...what do you think? When I first saw this I was amazed. There really is a live, human being inside of me. Amazing. . . Ang galing ni Jesus!

A Summer Afternoon

2008-04-07T14:54:00.003+08:00

It's been a while I know since I last blogged. Too many things happening in the days since I last dropped a line here. I'm back living with my Mama, sister, niece and 91 year old grandmother. Junby flew to the US last Friday, after many delays brought about by his unexpected rise in Blood Pressure -- high enough to have the doctor forbid his taking the 11 hour flight two weeks ago.

Today is a holiday -- or so according to GMA who has a tendency to move holidays like it was just an afterthought. I've spent most of this morning either sleeping (my favorite pastime for the past days) or before coming online, going through the different boxes of stuff Junby and I moved from our apartment to here. I never realized I could accumulate so much stuff in the three months! Well, now is as good a time as any to fix up. It's a prelude to my fixing my stuff up for my eventual move to the US which we pray will happen by next month.

I'm also entering my second trimester which according to Ms. Anne, my second boss at Misyon, is pregnancy heaven. I agree. I don't feel as fatigued as before and I don't feel so bloated and all that. Haven't had any throwing up fits either for the past three days and I'm hoping it will continue to the end na. :) Junby will soon post a picture of our baby (an ultrasound actually).

Well time to return to doing some online work before going back to sorting through stuff. Take care everyone and welcome Summer! I'd love a halo-halo right about now... :p

Good Friday thoughts...

2008-03-22T00:07:00.002+08:00

Today, the whole of Christendom celebrates Good Friday. The day that turned the world upside down, when God who became man, seemingly suffered the bitterest of defeat. I don't have much to share being quite listless the whole day. It could be because I'm still more or less experiencing fatigue brought about by my pregnancy. (I find myself getting irritated with myself for being so weak). It's quite humbling actually to realize that for all that I pride myself at being quite energetic, these past months have proven that I'm not quite as invincible as I thought myself to be.

I'm looking forward to the end of my first trimester. This week is my 12th week and most books I've been reading have said after the first trimester, things will start to look up -- lessening of fatigue, disappearance of nausea (yessss!) and being able to eat more or less normally.

I guess I'm also listless because tomorrow Junby and I are flying to Manila. He's flying back to the US on Easter Sunday and I'm seeing him off. I'm going to miss him definitely but I won't make it more difficult for him by crying and asking him not to leave me (sounds like a line from a movie... :p ). He's having a hard time as it is. Its the least I can do to put on a brave face and take things as they are. Lesson I learned from my Mama. :)

All in all though, its been a blessing that he has been able to spend so much time with me after the wedding. Also another blessing is his new work which allowed him some extra weeks here rather than go back to the US by February. So, I may be in the midst of my own little Good Friday but I can join my private sorrow with Jesus' and hope to see an Easter morning soon. :)

A quick pick-me upper

2008-03-04T18:37:00.002+08:00

I know I haven't blogged much lately :) You could say the effects of pregnancy make blogging something that isn't top priority. Been going through the classic symptoms of the first trimester, including "morning" sickness. I placed that in quotation marks since going to the bathroom and 'worshiping the porcelain god', according to my husband, isn't limited to mornings. I won't bore you with all the details :)

Anyway, taking a break from working on our website, Misyon online, I decided to surf for some videos to brighten up my day. I found this. This is my favorite scene from the movie Raise Your Voice featuring Hillary Duff. The main character played by Hillary lost her desire to sing when her brother died in a car accident while she, the passenger, survived. The lyrics of the song help me now to remember that with everything considered, I can survive the next couple of weeks before my first trimester ends. Hehe. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Pangga!

2008-02-01T16:28:00.000+08:00

Today is the birthday of my beloved husband of one month and 17 days. Thank you for the love you show me everyday -- how you still open doors for me, carry heavy stuff for me (I draw the line when you offer to carry my shoulder bag for me), pray for my concerns, give me great back rubs, cheerfully go about the chores at home, tell me how pretty I am and how much you love me, listen to me, serve with me in CYA and even drop what you are doing to answer my requests for assistance -- the internet kind. Thank you for all that and more. Happy Birthday! I am glad God saw it fit for me to be your partner. It took several years apart for Him to work on us both but it seems God knew what He was about. As you celebrate your birthday today -- I'd like to bless you with my favorite prayer (one that whenever it is uttered, brings me to tears for it reminds me of God's most loving presence) :

The LORD bless you and keep you! The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace! Numbers 6:24-26

Why God made Grandmas....

2008-01-18T16:48:00.000+08:00

While I was looking for stuff that would lift my spirit today, I remembered that there is a Christian version of youtube. It's called Godtube. So I decided to surf that. I found several heartwarming videos but this one topped it for me today. My lola turned 91 years old last January 7, 2008 and the past days she has become progressively weaker. Now she can't stand nor walk when last year she could still quite manage to walk from the bedroom to our sala. She refuses to eat most of the time, that's why she nearly fainted last Sunday. It's heartbreaking to see her slowly wasting away. I guess it's also because we don't talk or interact with her much. I mean, I would literally die of boredom if all I did was stare at the ceiling while the rest of the family went about their own lives.

I love my lola and though I keep vowing to myself to spend more time with her, I am afraid I will wake up one day and find it too late. So tonight, we're eating at home for dinner. And I will make it a point to chat with lola even for just a while. Anyway, this little boy's final insight was what got to me. . .

New Year, New Life

2008-01-08T16:15:00.000+08:00

Welcome 2008! It's a new year with the offering of a new life in more ways than one. One major change in my life now is that I am now the wife of (hopefully) a very happy man :D We've been keeping a separate blog for all that is wedding-related but since I don't have the time to upload all the nice pictures that were taken during the wedding, I'm posting here the links to some of sites that do have pictures :) Hope you have time to visit them. If not, a murmured prayer for me and my husband, Leonides Saguisag Jr would be most appreciated. Here are some links:

http://junbyandmitzi.blogspot.com/
http://mtfr.multiply.com/photos/album/8/A_Day_to_Remember

Getting married, being a major undertaking, both in terms of preparation and the actual event I have been unable to post any of my thoughts and opinions. I hope to have more time to do that once I finish up the stack of work that piled up when I went off to our honeymoon in Palawan and the subsequent holiday disorders. Suffice it to say that now that we are back in Bacolod and starting to settle down to some sort of 'normal' living, I will have more time to ruminate on the past and to plan and aim for dreams with my husband this time. :)

Time to get back to work. Hehehe. Just couldn't resist posting one tiny thought before tackling this webpage I'm working on. I look forward to the coming days as Junby and I start to settle down to a routine and to the exciting world of Marriage. :D

Who says you need to be great to make a difference?

2007-11-18T21:08:00.001+08:00

I was reading my regular fare of inspirational stuff and decided to post this. Most of us won't ever get into key positions that can change the world in a major way but like this man, we can actually mean the world to someone else. It doesn't take much to do as well -- a little smile, a listening ear and heart, a few minutes of chatting. After watching this video, I am encouraged to look, really LOOK at some of the people I normally pass by or don't have much time for -- my 90 year old Lola who has alzheimer's , my talkative niece, etc. I just might be better for it.

clipped from www.beliefnet.com

Morning Practice: Delivering Joy

Do you ever feel invisible? This man cheerfully delivers meals to people who would otherwise have no visitors. He likes to bring smiles their faces and let them know someone cares. Why? Because we're all God's children, he says.

I need to get out more often. . .

2007-11-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

While waiting for my turn, I was stumbling along quite happily when I stumbled upon this site that tests your knowledge of geography. Sad to say I didn't even get past the first level. Which is ok. It just challenges me more to get to know this place I call home, the earth. If you wish to test your own knowledge about our world, here's the game I was playing. . .

Get a FREE Travel Blog, or copy this
Traveler IQ challenge
from TravelPod.com

. . . .

2007-10-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

I want to go to the sea. Can someone take me there now? I suddenly long for the roar of the ocean, just like in Infanta. Confronted by the vastness of it, by the rush of the waves and their crashing upon the shore -- all that is unspeakable within me need not be spoken any more. . . .

I want to feel the rushing of a strong wind upon my face -- lifting my hair like a sail behind me. I want to be bathed by the light of a full moon, soothed by its quieting silvery light.

Yet all I can do tonight is sigh. . .a sigh that wells up from deep within me yet cannot be articulated beyond that. Let it suffice for now...Deep calls to Deep.

SIGH. . . .

. . . .

I wrote this post with this Relaxation and Meditation Timer I stumbled upon. It had a choice of songs which you can play in the background with a clock to keep time for you as you meditate or relax. It seemed appropriate somehow...

History, anyone?

2007-10-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon this during my lunch break. It brought to mind my stint as a teacher in World History in my alma mater two years ago (gosh, has it been that long?) It's pretty neat. Wish I had this as one of my visual aid tools back then. It would have made an interesting jump off point for a discussion on the role of religion in terms of the expansion of society. :) Anyway, here it is...watch and learn...

Getting rid of tunnel vision

2007-10-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

When I become caught up in my little world -- with its seemingly BIG concerns, get weighed down by the things that are not going the way I want them to go, when my world seems to have shrunk to me being the center of it -- I need a way to rid myself of, what I call, 'tunnel vision'.

In medical terms, tunnel vision is the loss of peripheral vision with retention of central vision, resulting in a constricted circular tunnel-like field of vision

In layman's terms, it seems as if all that one can see is focused only on one thing, everything else beside it fades away. Well with the wedding day moving closer, I seem to be experiencing a slight tunneling of my vision. I find myself unable to think of the big picture as readily as I used to. Well tonight, while taking a break from wedding-related stuff, I stumbled upon this website with a very inspiring video . . . It's of a professor who was giving his last lecture. The highlights of his lecture helped me get rid of my temporary tunnel vision and restore to me a sense of what this is all for :)

The wedding isn't the end all and be all of everything (though at times I admit it feels like that :P). The whole world will not cease to exist if the invitations are not sent when I planned them to be sent nor will World War III take place if I forget one logistical detail. What is important is the marriage -- the new life I am entering into. Now that is something I need to keep touching base with. All these wedding preparations are actually showing me how I would most likely deal with the stressors that are part and parcel of married life. LIFE -- that is the operative word I have to remember. That was what Professor Randy's lecture was all about.

Thank you to Sara of Healthbolt, the site I found the video at. Thank you to Professor Randy. That was one great Last Lecture!

*Click on the video or the logo WSJ to start the video if pressing on play doesn't work :P

Deep thoughts on a Windy October morning...

2007-10-04T11:07:00.000+08:00

I was going through our forum at www.misyononline.com and saw an old post by my boss. It had a link to an article entitled, 'A Glint of Sapphire' and it was a reflection of sorts by the author and his wife as they celebrated 45 years of marriage. Wow! In this day and age, such longevity in marriages is to be celebrated indeed.

I'd like to share some lines from the article which struck a chord in me and got me thinking about certain things. They quoted the old marriage rite (Pre-Vatican II pa ata) :

“You begin your married life, by the voluntary surrender of your individual lives, in the interest of the deeper and wider life you are to have in common. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its pleasures and pains, its joys and sorrows, its successes and failures, is hidden from your eyes now. Yet, these elements are mingled in every life. They are to be expected in your own.”

An iron-clad commitment follows: “And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health, until death do you part.”

I hadn't realized until reading this quote that the Church has a very balanced view of life and what it entails. The quoted portions of the rite acknowledged the elements that would be needed for a fulfilled marriage. One element that I found significant is found in the line... "the voluntary surrender of your individual lives, in the interest of the deeper and wider life you are to have in common". Voluntary surrender is an act of the will. You choose to give up your preferences and wants. What for? I know nowadays, there is a strong advocacy for individual rights but then marriage according to these lines is not about individual rights but about a communal life. I used to see surrender as synonymous to defeat but I have been learning that isn't always the case. Surrendering, especially in the context of giving up for something better makes one a victor and not the vanquished. What for are we called to surrender in marriage? We are called to surrender in the interest of a deeper and wider life that is to be lived in common.

No one can quite say, they weren't fairly warned :P I like the line "voluntary surrender of your individual lives" -- yup it is indeed a choice and a choice made everyday I think... :)

And what reassures me is the line that says despite not knowing what is ahead, the couple takes each other as is in all circumstances. No ifs and buts about it. Now that is commitment. I used to want to be 100% sure of my choice of a mate. But then I cannot see a 100% into the future and how things will be but as the article stated,

“And if the unselfish spirit of sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to a person in this life,” it pledged. “The rest is in the hands of God.”

And I think that's the safest place for my marriage to be at. :)

Eye of the Storm

2007-09-29T13:32:00.000+08:00

September is drawing to a close. Right around the corner is October. That leaves me with less than three months before the wedding. I'm trying not to panic and to stay on top of things but I do get this feeling of time slipping through my fingers before I can adequately maximize all that it has to offer. I admit I swing in either two directions when that happens. First, I either procrastinate -- an infantile desire to have things fix themselves so I let things slide. Second, I may become almost like a headless chicken rushing to and fro trying to get everything done in one day. Sigh.

On this yet again rainy day, I pause and try to regroup myself and have a better battle plan than staying within the realm of Stephen Covey's 'Urgent/Important' quadrant. I can do this, I tell myself. I have to do this :) No one to pass the buck to nor anyone dogging me to get this or that done. It will get done, by hook or by crook (I say that now with a determined nod of my head, my eye on the calendar, my mind racing with a million and one 'to do' things).

Despite the urgency though, I am glad that I have not yet lost that joyful spirit, thanks to my times of prayer everyday and my fiance's strong support, felt even from a distance. When things are done gladly and with joy it indeed ceases to become a burden. Today is the eye of the storm. I use this time to regroup and to assess how best to tackle the days ahead that I may not lose sight of the goal -- the day God's promises are proven true.

So enough blogging for now. Time to tackle that calendar that has been calling my name the past hour or so. Time to make a battle plan and to carry it through. May God keep me always at the center of His peace. Amen.

As I tackle the list in front of me...this music is playing in the background, soothing me...

Need to study...

2007-09-28T16:24:00.000+08:00

I came across this quiz and it made me realize, I need to brush up on my theology... :) It has been awhile since I read a good Catholic Theology book...

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Friedrich Schleiermacher,You seek to make inner feeling and awareness of God the centre of your theology, which is the foundation of liberalism. Unfortunately, atheists are quick to accuse you of simply projecting humanity onto 'God' and liberalism never really recovers.

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Prayer from the Heart

2007-09-27T23:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I blogged...obviously :P I was busy living instead of blogging about living... :)

Anyway, my fiance was in town since September 5 until the 24th so it was more interesting hanging out with him than being in front of the computer. Besides, the only reason I stay in front of the computer most days (other than work-related) is to keep in touch with him and since he's here in the flesh -- best to focus my attention on the real thing. Now that he's back to being on the other side of the world, the computer becomes once again my friend. :P

Since I'm taking a break from doing another sideline, I read this prayer from Chicken Soup of the Soul's website. I found it quite apt for what I pray for Junby and myself. I'd like to share it with you here:

A Prayer for Couples

By Marianne Williamson

Dear God,

Please make of our relationship a great and holy
adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here,
a haven for our souls.

Remove from us any temptation to judge one another
or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.

Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections,
but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.

May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us,
for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing,
a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow,
let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have
the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man,
the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we
are repaired.

May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us,
and show us how You would have us be.

Thank you, dear God,
You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.

Amen.

Oh to be super human...

2007-09-14T15:50:00.000+08:00

Was in-between certain tasks at work and stumbled upon this quiz.

I came out as being close to INVISIBLE WOMAN. Bagay ba? Hanapin nyo muna ako :P Back to work na...hehehe

Timely Reminder

2007-08-22T21:25:00.001+08:00

I have been feeling out of sorts the past days but by God's grace, I see each day through. Pressure from within and without, I guess. . . and maybe pouring out to others have left me a little. . . out-of-sorts. Not exactly drained but not exactly flying in high heavens either. This morning during my time of prayer, I just asked God to find me again. I have days/moments like that where I feel I don't have what it takes to keep running the race of Faith. Anyway, today, I have seen God's faithfulness. I'm about to work on a project, which I've been putting off but which I really need to do something about now. Yet before doing so, I hedged one more time and instead opened my e-mail on the pretext of checking for "important" messages.

Well God I believe can communicate through any means even technology and so I decided to check out a post of one of my friends on multiply. Yup, God did indeed speak. It was good to be reminded of some truths in this video. I've copied it here so that others may see (if anybody does check my blog that is :P) and take heart. :) Thank you Jesus...thank you...

Memories of times past

2007-08-10T13:26:00.000+08:00

When things become too much to take in at once, part of me wishes to go back to a time when the world made sense, I made sense. Songs help me get there. Here is a song that comes from one of my Papa's favorite artists, Richard Clayderman. I used to have a crush on him... :P Those were the days... and today is such a day that I need a memory from the past to draw comfort from. Thank God for music (the language of the soul, in my humble opinion)...

Pop Psychology

2007-08-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

I like taking tests. Yes, I know I'm weird but we all have our own brand of weirdness. I guess mine is the desire to find out how I fare in terms of tests, quizzes and pop psychology stuff. So here are my results for a quick Color Test. Quite on the dot, if I do say so myself.... :)

Mitzi took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Shelves her ambitions and forgoes her desire for p..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Take it yourself if you have five minutes on your hands. It's always good to know one's self better. :)

A poem from Long ago...

2007-08-07T14:02:00.000+08:00

Taking a break from the regular work I do for Misyon, I decided to try stumbleupon again. It's a cool add on of Firefox which brings me to sites that I would not have stumbled upon if I had used the regular search engines. It's fun actually since I don't really know what site would be presented to me. Though the sites given to me are more or less along the perimeters of the categories I had indicated.

Well this cool, overcast August afternoon, I stumbled upon an old poem. Reading it brought back memories of hearing my maternal grandfather reading different works of poetry to us when we were kids, instructing us to roll our r's and to enunciate whenever we attempted to read these works of literature aloud. This old poem is from one of my Lolo's favorite poets, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I believe its an apt poem for how I see life nowadays....

A Psalm Of Life

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;--

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

I found this wonderful poem at READ PRINT, a free online library which holds thousands of books for students, teachers and classic enthusiasts. I thank Lolo Ting for teaching me to love the written word. It has guided me along life's paths, teaching me through the different protagonist and antagonists the dynamics of living. One need not live everything for learning to take place. At times, learning vicariously through another's experience is enough. Through the different characters of the written word, I have as Longfellow aptly put it, "Learn to labor and to wait."

Beam me up Scotty...

2007-08-04T11:09:00.000+08:00

Trying to stay awake, I stumbled upon this little test. For those who are fans of Star Trek, you might like to check this out and at the same time you can relate :P I took the test trying to see which Star Trek character I would be. Would you agree? The results show that I have the personality of:

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Always in control, you are a great leader, delegates, and diplomat. These qualities attract people to you, and this sometimes annoys you.

Aloof, introspective, and philosophical; you enjoy quiet time in solitude.

Take the Star Trek Quiz

Word Game

2007-07-26T08:43:00.000+08:00

Here's a nice way to add to your vocabulary...

Word of the Day

Word of the Day
provided by The Free Dictionary

Hangman

Hangman
provided by The Free Dictionary

A forgotten name...

2007-07-25T23:49:00.000+08:00

Lovely. . . that was how Papa used to call me. I had forgotten that but was reminded recently when Mama, due to my insistence, started looking for long-lost family pictures. I need the pictures for the wedding after all. In her initial forays into the daunting pile of boxes which hold most of our earthly possessions (having decided not to unpack most of them after we transferred here, Lola's house) she found some pieces of paper, yellowed with age. They were Papa's scribbled notes to himself regarding various topics. This particular piece of paper had a rundown of a family outing they had planned for Honey and myself -- a day at the carnival. That was in 1990, a year before Papa passed away.

The items on the note sounded so much like Papa. He wrote the way he spoke. One item on that list was a reminder to himself to allot a certain amount of money for "Lovely and Honey to spend to their heart's content. . ." That's when I remembered that Papa didn't call me Mitzi. He tended to call me Lovely. . . .

Reading that note made me miss Papa and brought a wistful smile to my face. I had forgotten that nickname. . . It's good to somehow remember it now. . . .

Lovely. . .

This is so funny!

2007-07-20T10:40:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to share a video I had seen last year pa but it was in a friend's 3G phone. I found it now on youtube. Hope you find it as funny as I do...

With that, I am inspired to start working on a presentation for Misyon's November-December 2007 issue's CD version. Hope it turns out well :P

In thanksgiving...

2007-07-15T23:47:00.001+08:00

I sleep tonight with a smile on my lips and a prayer of thanks to God. Today has been a day of affirmation for me. Affirmation of God's goodness and faithfulness, affirmation of the rightness in following God's ways and timing. I slept most of this morning away, all the nights of sleeping late the past week catching up with me. Since I had already attended mass Saturday evening, I didn't need to get up early to catch mass at 11:00 A.M. Finally feeling that I have overstayed my welcome in dreamland, I got up and convinced myself to begin work on a project I had pledged myself to do. I worked steadily at my task, pausing once in a while to get up and walk about trying to jog my creative streak into high gear. Then at around 5 P.M. I called it a 'day' and decided to take a kitty nap before heading out for my dinner with brother and sisters I used to work on staff with for CYA.

We met up at Lopue's Mandalagan and went to Hayahay, a restaurant found in the compound of Lopue's Mandalagan. I was impressed with the interior, the ambiance was chic but not intimidating. The food -- sarap! I recommend it. We had two types of pizza and a tomato based soup whose name I can't quite spell at the moment :P It was a good time to chat, catch up on the events of each other's lives and what God is teaching each of us at the moment. There is really something life-giving when I am with people who have experienced God in a very personal and real way. I somehow feel that the most essential part of me is acknowledged, nourished and affirmed. I feel more like myself when I am with them.

We ended the night by giving honor to three people: April (she had left volunteer staff work at the middle of the semester last year so we were unable to thank her and affirm all the good she had done while working full time for the brothers and sisters), Michelle (who celebrated her birthday a few weeks ago) and surprise -- myself (I celebrated my birthday a month ago). Honoring is a practice we have in community where we thank the person being honored for the good that he/she has done which have made a significant impact in our lives. I believe honoring is very essential nowadays in a world that only seeks to point out one's mistakes and failures and dismisses the good that is done as being trivial and obvious. It was heart warming to hear and remember how we had in one way or another blessed the lives of others.

In thanksgiving I would like to also say thank you to God who 'ordered' me home and brought me to these men and women who have in their own personal pursuit of God have shown me the beauty, nobility, dignity and value in others and in myself. By God's grace we have been Jesus to each other. God does indeed know best. I know I was not very happy about leaving Manila to start a new life here in Bacolod. Yet God in His wisdom knew that this is where I needed to be to solidify the lessons and realizations I've had of Him and of my purpose in life. It has been my privilege to journey with these brother and sisters. My life has been enriched because they have become part of it. Thank you Lord for knowing better. Thank you also for the grace to submit to your will.

Unexpected find

2007-07-11T13:04:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had those days that things just seem to fall into place? I think I'm having one of those days. Though I did start my day rather abruptly, since I woke up to find that it was already 7:30 AM and call time at the office is at 8, God must have had mercy on me that the moment I ventured out of the house, I got to ride a jeep without having to waste minutes waiting for one. That lucky streak continued for the next jeep ride and then a tricycle so that I got to the office at relatively early for one so late :P

I decided to have my breakfast and prayer time in the office na rin to save on time so I did just that. Then work began. While taking a break before I tackle two articles lined up -- one for editing and the other for fleshing out, I decided to check out www.imeem.com for some songs I had playing in my head. Guess what I found? One of my favorite songs! Here it is:

I remember staff days singing to this song. And where I am now in my life, this song still fits. Hope you enjoy it. Now, its back to work...:)

Dance with me?

2007-07-09T09:08:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, my mom and I got an unexpected invitation from Mommy E, to join them at the alumni night of USLS. They had paid for several tickets already and since they didn't want these tickets to go to waste, they decided to extend the invitation to us. Mama and I agreed and off we went. On the way, Mama and I were laughing to ourselves wondering what an LCC alumna and an Atenean doing in La Sallian territory?

The night went quite well. They had a good band, "Behind Closed Doors" who played all the crowd's favorites from cha-cha to boogie to rock and roll tunes. I had a few spins on the dance floor myself with my Mommy E, of course. Mama just opted to sit and watch the dancers. Mommy E was able to convince her hubby to join her in dancing too. If her shoe hadn't given out on her, we wouldn't have gone home before midnight. :)

During the course of the night, as I watched others dance and took a few turns on the dance floor myself, I realized its been a while since I went dancing. I used to dance a lot in Manila mostly in connection with presentations in our covenant community, Ligaya ng Panginoon. I like to dance (not that I'm very good at it, mind you) and at one point in my relationship with God, I came to see my relationship with him as a dance. There came a point in my life where I couldn't find the song in my heart that helped me to dance but that season has passed. I haven't thought about dancing in a long while but that night reminded me of the joy in just letting one's body move to the beat. I found a message from a friend lately that kind of speaks of how I think of dancing:

Dancing With God
a forwarded message...

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn't flow with the music,

and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,

both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back

or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,

and attentiveness from one person

and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".

"God, "u" and "i" dance."

God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust

that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead

and to guide you through each season of your life.

World Youth Day 2008

2007-07-09T00:11:00.000+08:00

Hello friends! My boss, Fr Sean showed me the site for the next World Youth Day in SYDNEY, Australia on July 2008. I listened to the theme song and it brought me to tears. I pray that the Holy Spirit indeed pour forth His power to renew the face of the earth. Here's the theme song. Play it, pray it so that when July 2008 comes around, the Holy Spirit indeed will be received by the youth of the world....

Wise words from a great poet

2007-07-06T14:03:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, I encountered on the same day from two different sources the same quotation. It's a quotation I had read before in one of my cousin's favorite books, Letters to a Young Poet by Ranier Maria Rilke. I haven't gotten around to getting a copy for myself but I resolve to do so before the year is out. The said quotation came in the wake of my personal ruminations on certain questions about life and love. They might have been coincidences but I'm more inclined to believe that the quotation was given as a gentle reminder to me by God -- that to not know the answer to some of life's questions is not such a tragedy. The quote is as follows:

"You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within you the possibility of creating and forming, as an especially blessed and pure way of living; train yourself for that - but take whatever comes, with great trust, and as long as it comes out of your will, out of some need of your innermost self, then take it upon yourself, and don't hate anything."

When I was searching the net for the exact quotation, I came across a website dedicated to that very book. You may wish to check it out one time. Each sentence I believe is worth pondering especially during cold, rainy days when thinking and pondering seems appropriate. On a side note, only when I read the entire letter 4 did I discover that the topic that was under discussion in that missive was sex. Rilke has a very beautiful way of discussing it -- restoring to it the dignity that is sadly lacking in most discussions on the topic nowadays.

So if you have a cold, rainy day with nothing much to do (that would be quite rare for most of us), check out the site and learn to live the questions in your own life. Isn't it great to be alive?

Letters to a Young Poet

Song for this rainy day...

2007-07-06T13:04:00.000+08:00

I was inspired by my cousin's blog recently which featured the different soundtracks that would pepper her days. Though I am quite challenged to recall the titles of songs, having to ask for it to be sung before I can say with certainty whether I know the song in question or not, I too have those days where music plays at the back of my mind triggered by an event or a person.

Her blog (which you will see on the newly posted Blog roll -- naks marunong na daw) pointed me to a kewl website: http://www.blogmusik.net/ where you can create your own play list. So I set to work in creating one for myself. I had always wanted to compile songs from movies and television shows and to my delight, I have created a play list with a lot of songs I have been wanting to hear for so long. In the course of my happy downloading, I encountered this song that is part of the OST of Love Actually. Somehow the lyrics speak a little about how I feel today. With the help of another website: imeem, I've decided to post it here -- as my song for today:

If I were a book...

2007-07-03T00:07:00.000+08:00

It's a few minutes past midnight so technically its already July 3, 2007. I had decided to call it a night/day from making a project (helping a Catholic school come up with its Religious Education curriculum) when I checked my e-mail one last time. Seeing an invitation from an old friend from college to join my network of friends online, I chose to accept the invitation and thus check out the developments on my fellow multiply users. Thus, I was led to take this quiz :P (What can I say? Curiosity gets me into fixes which makes life interesting). If I were a book, what would I be? Hmmm . . . Here is the result of the quiz . . .

You're One Hundred Years of Solitude!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Lonely and struggling, you've been around for a very long time.
Conflict has filled most of your life and torn apart nearly everyone you know. Yet there
is something majestic and even epic about your presence in the world. You love life all
the more for having seen its decimation. After all, it takes a village.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

So my dear friends -- would you agree? :P

Thank you Pa...

2007-06-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

Thirty more minutes and Sunday would have passed into Monday. I'd like to take these last few minutes of Father's Day to pay tribute to my Papa.

I miss him. After almost sixteen years, the pain that loss brings has faded to a dull ache, one that only manifests itself in times of loneliness, fear, extreme joy, during memorable occasions and moments of wanting to be a kid without a care in the world. I can't quite call to mind how he looks now not as easily as before but I can remember quite well how it felt to be wrapped in his arms and seemingly disappear into his embrace. During those moments, those arms that held me felt like home. Only in God's arms during my times of prayer do I feel that again. There is just something about Papa's hugs that can never be replicated.

My Papa was far from being a saint or the perfect father as definitions of perfect fathers go. Over the years though, I have come to realize that he was the best father he knew how to be and how he was, as a father was what I needed and tend to seek until now. He had his favorite vices though he never let them take over his life, for which I am grateful. He had his own share of shattering my expectations and losing my trust for a period of time but what healed me of those broken 'ideals' of what a father was 'supposed' to be was the knowledge that to him, I was the most precious thing in the world. I was his princess...daddy's little girl.

It was he who taught me how to swallow medicine in tablet form. He taught me how to bike for about half a minute before I toppled over and refused to learn again. He taught me how to defend myself -- from breaking free of a hand gripping my wrist to hitting the most sensitive places of an attacker enough to give me a chance to run. He taught me how to play chess and what an accomplishment it was for me to 'beat' him at a game. He cooked the best tasting adobo and showed me how to interpret people's actions because we didn't speak the same language -- he would give a running interpretation of 'Wok with Yan'. He introduced me to the joys of reading. I remember reading 'Hunt for Red October' when I was in grade 5.

He showed me how men were supposed to treat women -- I never remembered my parents arguing. If they did, they must have done it behind closed doors so I escaped the trauma of seeing my parents fight. He showed me what faithfulness and love meant. He always came home after a week-long absence due to his work as the company dentist of a sugar central which was located far from Bacolod. He taught me how to give massages, allowing me to walk on his back until I became too heavy, that is. He showed me what it meant to be a man in control of his emotions. However trying the circumstances, he never raised his voice nor his hands. Only once did I see him do anything physically violent -- he kicked a chair in frustration over the outcome of one of his 'adopted sons' life because of thoughtlessness. He taught me the value of generosity and affording other people their human dignity no matter their social status in life. He had a clinic at home and we would get patients sometimes in the dead of the night. He never turned them away even when they had nothing to pay him with for his services except for some farm produce or live chicken they had with them.

He introduced to me the world of classical music. I can still remember lazy Sundays where the only sound heard at home were the strains of the Ride of the Valkyries or the overtures of Swan Lake. He opened up to me the different periods in music history and the great artists that peopled them. We used to listen to these masterpieces on a record player otherwise known as a turntable. He also taught me some tai chi movements for no other reason than he wanted me to learn them. In short, he knew a little about almost everything -- Jack of all trades and master in some.

I miss you Papa. Happy Father's day. Thank you for loving me.

Reminiscing

2007-06-11T14:22:00.000+08:00

Once a birthday rolls around, one can't help but be a little sentimental. I guess its one's way of taking stock of how much one has received and given to life, in the hopes that God in His goodness will bless one with another year to live. After 28 years of existence, what lessons have I learned so far? Enough I hope to be able to make the next 28 years and more even more memorable and worth reminiscing about.

First lesson I've learned is the importance of choice. It is what God has blessed us with which separates us from mere animals that react instinctively. I have also learned that there always is a choice. Not choosing is actually a choice in itself. I can choose to be present to my present. I can choose to let my past define me or not. I can choose to choose or not to choose.

Second lesson I've learned is that God is big enough to handle the worst sins we can ever commit. He was there when we did it. It's not as if He didn't know what we were doing. So going to him and fessing up isn't actually for His sake, but ours. Only when I've confessed the wrong I have done can He show me concretely what He means when He says His love is unconditional.

Third lesson I've learned is that however much God has forgiven us for the sins and wrongs we have committed, there are still consequences inherent in the choice that we have to face. To face it though is one way God can use to strengthen us and use what negatives we may have incurred to become a positive for our lives in the long run.

Fourth lesson, God is a God of second chances and therefore I too, as His child, needed to learn to differentiate between the sinner and the sin. I have received mercy from Him numerous times therefore I learned to give mercy as well. Doing so has helped me become less uptight about things and have become more compassionate to those who err and have made some bad choices.

Fifth lesson, I am loved. Not just for the good that I do but even for the mistakes that I have made. He has loved me even when I was yet a sinner therefore there is nothing that I can do or say that will make God love me any less or any more than He already does. Loved this way gives me an assurance and a confidence that I will not be able to run so far that God's love cannot find me and make me whole. Such love also serves to drive me to be better for such love deserves nothing less. Yet to fail in the trying is no defeat. That same love compels me to get up, dust myself off and keep running until I see Him face to face.

May all that I do and say be ways by which I can love you, O Lord more perfectly than I did yesterday. Thank you for this life. Grant me the grace to live it well. Amen.

Sweetness personified part 2

2007-06-10T13:26:00.000+08:00

Here are some pictures I took of the three dozen long-stemmed red roses and chocolates my sweet fiance sent me yesterday:

This must be the most number of roses I got from him so far. The chocolates are quite good too -- there goes my diet (for now).

Gazing at the roses, I realized something...we are like God in that we use objects to say in one gesture what we would like to say in a thousand words. God wanted to tell us who he is and what he is about. He spent centuries speaking about Himself especially to a specific people yet it was not enough. So He came as a person -- Jesus, that by seeing Jesus we will have a clearer picture of what He had been trying to say. This Sunday we celebrate the Body and Blood of Christ...now if that isn't the most succinct way of saying something, I don't know what else can say it best.

Thank you Sweetie for being like God in that you speak without words. Truly I am blessed.

Sweetness personified

2007-06-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

Today was an ordinary day except for the love and care I felt from my fiance who is a thousand miles away. How was he able to do that? Well, this good man has his ways of making me smile. First, he was quite understanding that I couldn't chat with him since I had work this morning. That might not mean a lot to others but its a very big step for my sweetie. He likes having me around (I must have quite a fascinating personality, naks -- nagbuhat ng sariling bangko :P).

Next, though he must have wanted to have me stay and vidchat with him after lunch (we haven't 'seen' much of each other the past weeks due to his work load and my service in CYA) he instead told me I needed to sleep (I must have looked quite haggard ;P). Isn't he thoughtful?

I didn't really feel like getting up after my nap but since I needed to visit my best friend's dressmaker to have myself measured for her wedding, I stumbled out of bed. What greeted me were two boxes. One was a long rectangular box that I have become quite familiar with the past months and one square box which was quite new to me. As I suspected, it came from my thoughtful, sweet and romantic fiance -- deep red rose buds (three dozen to be exact!) and a box of Belgian sweets! Will post the pics later since I prefer to take photos in natural light (naks, feeling marunong). :)

Such extravagance is something I had to get used to. I'm a simple girl with simple joys and to be lavished with such attention and gifts was quite overwhelming at first. I would be hypocritical though if I said I didn't feel flattered by it either. I thank God for such loving coming from a good, generous and thoughtful man. I am indeed blessed. Knowing him, he isn't going to stop doing this after we are married and somehow I have come to look forward to such sweetness from him. I pray I can love him well in return.

Final Hurrah for Summer 2007

2007-06-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

The last leg of Summer 2007 saw me mixing work and play. May 28-June 1 2007 was a week-long training for CYA. Commonly known as the Summer Training Conference (STC), this year's Visayas STC was held at Sunrise Beach Resort in Guimbal, Iloilo. Having the conference by the seashore I think helped me stay relatively stress free. I have always felt soothed by the sound of the waves rushing to shore.

An unexpected blessing was the full moon on the last night of the seminar. I love full moons! They seem to speak to me of God's love. Being at the beach under the light of a bright and silvery full moon was indeed a blessing. Another boon was serving alongside people who epitomize the conference's theme...'Radical Loving, Radical Living'.

After a long week of service, I opted to have a three days and two nights enjoying the last days of summer visiting Guimaras. I had never been there and having heard so many good things about the place, I decided to convince my fellow workers to take a few days off with me. It was worth it although the travel was tiring. Here are a few pics of our adventures...

Fun Countdown...

2007-06-04T14:38:00.000+08:00

I chose the beach and the moon for these are but two of what I love in nature. Spending time at the beach this past week during the STC (Summer Training Course) of CYA was such a blessing. The beach and the moon help me to de-stress and to recover my equilibrium. I'll write about that more next time.

Anyway, I came across the countdown in a friend's blog (thanks, Kate!). I thought it would be fun to post one myself. With 6 months to go, I still have a lot of things to get in order. O well, how does one eat an elephant? A bite at a time so . . . time to start biting :)

Lessons from Driving School

2007-05-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

The worst thing that I can do is to just keep talking about doing something and never getting around to doing it. Words have no weight after all without the actions to support it. So I finally stopped talking about learning how to drive and just. . . did it!

The past week starting Tuesday until Thursday I sat behind the wheel of a Nissan Sentra, first the manual model and the last two hours of my classes the automatic -- just to have a feel of the difference. People keep saying its easier to drive an automatic but I wanted to challenge myself by learning how to drive the stick shift. After all, majority of the cars that ply our Philippine roads are stick shift rather than automatic. After 5 hours of driving class, have I learned anything? You bet! They are the following:

1. It's important to be aware of what happens in your vehicle. At times I would concentrate more on what was going on outside my vehicle that I become unaware of where my hands were in relation to the steering wheel and my foot was already pressing on the gas :)

In life, it's pretty much the same thing. At times we tend to focus too much on what is happening out there, we forget to pay attention to what is happening in here (in our hearts, minds, and emotions). Self-awareness is key. A balanced one for if we become too focused on what is happening inside, we might run into an immovable object instead and find ourselves stunned by the impact or worse.

2. Slow movements on the steering wheel translates to a large movement onto the wheels. I tended to keep the steering wheel turned either to the right or the left too long thus making the car move towards the other lane.

A slight change in life direction has a huge effect or consequence. These consequences need not be something others necessarily see. They may be changes in life perspective, in values, in goals and dreams. Its also not good to keep on in the same direction when that particular way is supposedly a temporary state to correct something.

3. Keeping the steering wheel steady is important. It doesn't move around -- I move around. My hands can't quite seem to stay on an even keel. My driving instructor observes that my right hand tended to keep pulling (ever so slightly, mind you) towards the right. So my left hand would try to compensate but in doing so, I was making the car swerve from side to side.

Just like in life, once we are in the right lane and in the right place, what we need to do is keep our steering wheel steady. We get somewhere faster and in safety at that. At times we also tend to fight with ourselves (our conscience) and with God too much. Instead of keeping to the straight and narrow we veer to the left or to the right.

4. It's all a matter of perspective. I find it a challenge to be able to assess the distance of the vehicle I'm driving and the side of a parked vehicle or a person on a bike. Too many times has my driving instructor taken hold of the steering wheel to steer us away from a possible collision or sideswiping an innocent pedestrian.

At times our view of things are not as they truly are. We might feel we are still far from the edge especially when playing with 'fire' but we fail to see that we are already in danger of hurting ourselves or others.

5. Stay in your lane and you will not be in danger of colliding with another vehicle. My instructor would repeatedly say, 'If you are centered properly in your lane, there is no fear of an accident happening.'

How others are positioned in the journey is not as important as your own position. Another person's state -- emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological are not as important as your own. Before looking for the splinter in your neighbor's eye, it is best to check our own eye for the log that is found there.

These are only some of the fruits of my musings on learning how to drive. There is a certain freedom in being behind the wheel but as Fr Joel Jason taught us in moral theology, 'Freedom does not necessarily mean license.'

2007-05-21T12:46:00.000+08:00

I got this from my cousin, Melanie. It's good to go back to this list once in a while. . . After all, we live this life but once, let's live it to the fullest!

Great Advice for Living

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with the words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative-dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Flowers in May

2007-05-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

Today seemed like any ordinary day or so I thought. I went to work. After work (we work half days every Saturday), I signed myself up for driving lessons. Yup, I'm actually going to brave the roads as a motorist and not a harmless passenger starting Tuesday. I've put it off too long and the summer will soon be over. Once school starts and I have a teaching load (I hope), my free time becomes once again quite scarce. Then I went off to pick up the NSO documents I had requested over the phone. These documents are needed for my upcoming wedding. Next, I went to Robinson's to do some errands and meet a friend for merienda. Coming home, I was so intent at making sure I got home 'early' enough so that I could chat with Junby, I failed to notice a box that came in for me.

Yup, my sweet and romantic fiance sent two dozen pink and red roses. The occasion? Today is our one year and 11 months 'month'-sary. I am indeed the envy of other girls :) I'll upload pics of the flowers tomorrow. I'd like to take shots using natural light (the daylight) since I've noticed shots taken then come out better. :)

What makes a day special in contrast to the ordinary? Simple. . .our experiences and our reactions to them. Today seemed quite ordinary but because Junby sent flowers unexpectedly, today was turned into something worth remembering. Thanks Sweetie for the roses! :) They were a nice way to close a day.

Will upload pics tomorrow. Night pips! Remember, live each day fully. Makes a world of difference. . . .

Here are some pics of the flowers my sweet and romantic fiance sent...

Rockin' 80s

2007-05-17T01:25:00.000+08:00

Recently in Pinoy Big Brother season 2, I heard this song which heralds back to the 80's. What caught my attention, aside from its light and easy rockin' tune were the lyrics. It reminded me somehow of my fiance and of myself as well when faced with tears shed by those I love. Here it is: When She cries by Restless Hearts

Get this widget

Track details

The lyrics are as follows:

The road I have traveled on
Is paved with good intentions
It's littered with broken dreams
That never quite came true
When all of my hopes were dying
Her love kept me trying
And she does her best to hide
The pain that she's been through

(Chorus)
When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fears she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

She's always been there for me
Whenever I've fallen
When nobody else believed
She'd be there by my side
I don't know how she takes it
Just once I like to make it
Then there'll be tears of joy
That fills her loving eyes

(Repeat chorus)
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

It hurts to be the cause of someone else's tears, most especially when these tears are shed because of pain or fear. Tears of joy are a different matter altogether. Nice song....

Mom's Day

2007-05-13T14:15:00.000+08:00

Today is Mother's Day -- the one day set aside to honor all the mothers in the world. I wonder why we need to put aside a specific day to do that? Shouldn't we tell our mothers how we feel everyday? As for my mom...she and I look very different but I guess I'm one of those who can safely say, 'I will not trade my Mama for anyone in the world. I have the best mom ever!'.

My mom is a guidance counselor by profession. I remember only one time in my 27 years of existence where we actually really fought. I don't recall now what the cause was but I still remember how it felt. I remember telling her at the height of my frustration -- 'you should understand me, you are a counselor!' To which she answered, 'my counseling stops when it comes to my kids.' When it comes to us, we are first and foremost her daughters and not her clients but after that one argument, Mama and I never had any real shouting matches and the like. She never was one for shouting. She's one lady who can silence me with a look. Yet, she has her quirky side too. I remember trying to pay attention at mass only to be distracted when I saw her stick her tongue sideways at me. I am glad God gave me my Mama.

Though we don't look alike I guess I am more like her in attitude and mannerisms. I took another test from Tickle to see how closely I am like my Mama and the test proved that...

You've inherited your mom's Caring Spirit

Are You Turning into Your Mother?

Brought to you by Tickle

Here's their analysis:

Mitzi, you've inherited your mom's Caring Spirit

Imitation is the best form of flattery, so it's no surprise you mirror your mother's knack for treating others well. Maybe you and your mom don't share identical style or taste, but when it comes to who you are deep down, apples don't fall far from the tree.

Whether you're playing matchmaker with a friend, wiping the schmutz off a kid's face, or bringing chicken noodle soup to a sick coworker, you've learned to look out for others' best interests. Kind and caring, you've inherited all of your mom's classic values — whether you like it or not. Good thing mother knows best!

I am glad I have inherited Mama's values. I am proud of my Mama. Without her, I wouldn't be who I am today. Thanks Ma for being the best mom you could be to me. Thank you Jesus for giving my Mama to me.

Bluer than blue

2007-05-11T16:49:00.000+08:00

It's Friday afternoon. I just finished rendering some changes on the articles we are currently editing for the upcoming September-October 2007 issue of Misyon

I decided to check other emails I had left unread for months already before resuming work (responding to readers' letters in behalf of DBB -- D Big Boss, our editor Fr Sean Coyle). I saw an email which gave me a link to test what kind of color I represent. I've always been partial to the color blue but I wanted to find out if my preferred color would actually represent my personality. Well according to the test, my true color is...tadah!

Your true color is Blue!

What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

In addition to the color, they had an 'analysis' of my personality. The color blue represents me because:

Mitzi, your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

So, friends -- would you agree? :) Anyway, coffee break is over. Time to work uli. Until next post then...abangan and susunod na kabanata...

Why I choose to Love...

2007-05-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

Most will say Love is a choice. I agree. Why would I choose to love? I choose to love because as in the paradox of life -- to love is to bind oneself to the Beloved. In doing so, I become free. Free to do what? To love even more.

I can cite physical attributes for reasons to love -- the person is beautiful/handsome, well established in life, comes from a good clan. These indeed have its rightful place in the choice of loving but God doesn't love with human standards. Buti na lang.

I don't deem to know much about His way of loving. I do know how it is to be on the receiving end of it. The Bible says God looks and judges the hearts of men. I do not know what He sees in my heart to continue loving me despite all the times that I hurt Him, choose to hurt Him and still disbelieve the sincerity of His love for me. Most likely because I can not seem to find anything loveable about myself therefore why should He love me? Yet He does.

I came to the point I ceased to question that kind of Love but instead became grateful for the constancy of that love. Love is a choice. May I continue choosing to accept the Love He gives me. With each choice to love another, I love Him back. With every choice to love myself the way He loves me, I love Him back. In choosing to Love, I am freed to become Me...at the end of the road, I hope to truly understand what Love sees in me.

Back to Basics

2007-04-30T12:29:00.000+08:00

We all have our good days and our not-so-good days. Whenever I stumble and fall -- choosing to give in to temptation over what I know is right and I begin to find that I had walked back into my own 'prison cell' so to speak...I find I go back to the basics. I go down on my knees and once again acknowledge that my way wasn't such a good idea after all, that He did know better. Holding on to truths about who I am and who He is helps stem the tide of self-recrimination. Songs are ways by which I remind myself of who I am and who God is, despite my mistakes. This song helps me remember....Remembering gives me the strength to stand up once more and keep on walking. Such love...it still boggles my mind....Yet, I am nonetheless grateful for its stubbornness and tenacity. My hope is that He will never cease to remind me and may I never cease to stand up and hope in Him....

Find me

2007-04-23T21:59:00.000+08:00

Lost in a whirlpool of words
Not knowing which to answer
Words that sting
Words that make you bleed...

Drowning
Not knowing how to keep afloat
Inundated by pain I cannot seem to alleviate
Helpless as it sweeps me farther away from you

When can words become a bridge
That will span a thousand miles
To heal you and give you hope
when all that is heard is your own words of pain

Afraid to speak
Lest what comes out will break you further
Lost in an ocean of words
Yet not one to make me feel I can reach you...

What can I say to make the pain go away?
What can I do to make it all anew?
I can do nothing but wait
for you to find me...

Find me...

Memories of a Song

2007-04-19T14:38:00.000+08:00

This morning while taking a break, I heard a song I haven't heard in quite a while. Here are the lyrics:

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM

MARY MAGDALENE
From: Jesus Christ Superstar

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

I've been trying to recall where I first heard it and sang it. Almost half a day has passed when I suddenly remember...it was during one of our Sisters' Household. It became our Household theme song. Reading it and hearing it after several years brought a smile to my lips as I remembered sisters coming up with actions to match the lyrics, singing it with emotions and memorizing the lines to keep us going weeks after.

Indeed, Jesus' love, if taken quite seriously is scary. He doesn't just ask a lot, He asks for everything. Though scary, His love is what keeps me going, it has compelled me to do things I never thought I'd do i.e. perform on stage, speak to a stranger about God's love, accept rejection and keep trying to reach out. His love still scares me...yet it makes me feel more alive than I have ever been. 'I love him so.'

Precious memories

2007-04-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

Keeping watch

2007-04-05T22:18:00.000+08:00

I just came from a Bisita Iglesia . It's a cold night out -- cool, brisk night wind and a moon that would find its place in some suspense thriller, all round, yellow and hanging low in the sky. As we moved through the different chapels and churches using a variety of transportation -- the tricycle, the jeepney and our own two legs, I prayed the different decades of the rosary for all the people who asked for prayers.

I felt a sense of oneness in purpose with Jesus tonight. Tonight as we kept watch with the Lord, praying at each church's place of adoration, I struggled in mind and in my heart over things that the Lord and I have been talking about the past days. How long did it take before Jesus could say to His Father, "...not my will but your will be done..."?

By the 7th Church, my spirit has somehow found peace. As to what that peace could pertain to is between Jesus and myself. I shall keep watch a little longer tonight and as I do I give thanks that God could love someone as insignificant as myself. As one of my favorite song says..."Amazing Grace..." Who am I to refuse such a gift? Have a Holy Thursday!

Holy Wednesday

2007-04-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

It's the third night of the Sundown Retreat given in our parish. Truly, each input seemed like God speaking to me directly. I went away with several thoughts to ponder on during the Triduum.

First, 'We are not to condemn our history but to integrate our past to our present. If we run away from the past, we can't move on.' The speaker, Fr. Louie shared that a person who is embittered and angry is likely one who has not accepted a part of himself and therefore finds it difficult to forgive and to love.

Second, how is it to integrate our past to our present? To integrate is to embrace our past, to come to terms that indeed we failed but to remember that God is there to give our failure meaning. It is to give up our illusions and do a reality check -- to see that we are made up of lights and shadows. In doing so, we become blessed by our past.

Third, we were encouraged not to tie ourselves to the past, but to tie ourselves to the possibilities. The choice is ours. There are many roads. The answer to our questions is in our hands.

Thoughts to ponder this Triduum. May the Holy Spirit guide my prayers. Incidentally the theme of the talk was, "Rock Bottom Experiences: Discovering Possibilities and Meanings." How apt....The Lord indeed speaks in mysterious ways.

My Visual DNA

2007-04-03T10:22:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

The Holiest Week of the Year

2007-04-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

Today is Holy Monday. We ushered in the Holiest Week of the Year for Catholics yesterday, Palm Sunday. For those who wish to use this week to take stock of how they are faring in their spiritual, personal life, you may check this link out...http://www.sacredspace.ie/lent/lent07/

As for me, I'm making time this week to meet God in prayer more often. I have to make the time. After all, I am master of my time, right? I'm attending the three day Sundown Retreat offered at our parish. I already attended the first one a few minutes ago. I also availed of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. What Joy there is in knowing that God's love is unconditional and that He doesn't keep count of the many times I have committed the same 'favorite' sin. The priest reminded me of his personal favorite saint when he was in the seminary, St Dominic Savio

The saint who was no more than a boy of 15 was purported to have said, 'Death rather than sin!' May I grow in obedience to what God wants for me -- a holy life. After all sin is basically disobedience to God. If God truly loved me, then he would want the BEST for me. Why then do I keep insisting I know best when I can't even predict what the next couple of hours would bring?

Reflecting under the light of an almost full moon made me feel close to God. All the more after having been absolved of my sins...the night seemed all the more lovely. The retreat began with the song, "How Lovely is Your Dwelling Place" which is one of my favorite songs. It ended with a blessing I have always found seemed to echo God's love for me...the blessing found in Numbers 6: 23-27:

"Speak to Aaron and his sons and tell them: This is how you shall bless the Israelites. Say to them:
: The LORD bless you and keep you!
: The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!
: The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!
: So shall they invoke my name upon the Israelites, and I will bless them."

May you all be blessed this Holy Monday. . .

My lean-to...

2007-03-20T10:49:00.000+08:00

When I am buffeted by confusion, distress and uncertainty...I remember the words of a saint who is my namesake, St Teresa of Avila...

(This is the English translation, but I first heard it in a form of a song in Spanish)

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing:
God never changes.
Patience obtains to all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

Solo Dios basta. God alone indeed suffices.

So I now run to the shelter of my lean-to...and leaning on Him find a respite from the storm within and without. There are times that we do not need to understand everything...what matters is that in the midst of it, I can find Him, my lean-to...

Ironies in my life...

2007-03-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

I am an apparent contradiction.
I am happy yet sad.
I am satisfied yet discontented.
I am in my present yet I am a product of my past and my future is defined, more often than not by it as well.
I am hopeful yet resigned.
I am loved without condition yet I love with conditions.
I claim to be strong but hurt others because of my weakness.
I am certain yet doubt.
I am home yet on my way there.
I am me yet not --
I am a canvas for others to define themselves by
yet in their search for themselves they have defined me as well.

Isn't it ironic indeed that I seek for perfection in others yet fail to perfect myself. Scriptures speak the truth...the measure by which we measure others, should verily be the same measure God shall use to measure me. In the final analysis, how do I measure against God and Jesus' standards of loving? And in all honesty, the irony of it all is that I can't even hold a candle to their kind of loving yet I am called to love as they love. Can I truly love that way? My Faith tells me, God in me and through me can bring this about...without any help from me except the simple assent to his efforts. Jesus...mercy....

PS Check out the pre-nuptial blog my fiance and I set up to keep friends updated on the progress of our wedding. It's at...www.junbyandmitzi.blogspot.com

Midafternoon

2007-03-14T13:46:00.000+08:00

Sleepless Nights
Tired body
Drooping Spirit

Cold Silence
Deafening questions
Echo unceasingly

Bewilderment
Aching heart
Resignation

Sadness
Weariness
body and soul

Tears
Escape
Welcome slumber

Troubled dreams
questions unanswered
Awakening with a heavy heart

Questions
unanswered
no one there
just cold silence....

All things at their proper time...

2007-03-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Time is of the essence. It slips through one's fingers even before one is aware of it. What is present, becomes in a blink of an eye, part of the past. However much I wish to hold on to some moments in my life, I find I can only do so in the treasure chest of my memories. Memories are a gift, yet why at the end of life, all that is recent fades and what remains are the earliest recollections one has -- childhood in particular.

Some view time as an enemy that needs to be fought, struggled with and tamed. I see it more as an ally. It teaches me to the value of cherishing things, people, moments. It teaches me that in the midst of my finite state...I long for eternity.

A Farewell of Sorts...

2007-02-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

Today -- I joined my best friend in bringing her mom to her final resting place. Death seems so final yet our faith teaches otherwise. Death is the doorway towards Eternal Life. Such a hope makes the passing away of a loved one more bearable but it does not erase the pain that comes with the loss. Yet, it is also death which makes every moment special and precious....

I used to dread death for I could not fathom how it would be being six feet under with a load of earth on top of you. It must be claustrophobic! What will I see, hear, feel when I am dead. Will I even be able to do all these then? Such thoughts I could not bear for long. I would shudder and breathe a prayer that such a reality be not mine for a long time yet. Growing older, I am slowly making my peace with it. I have not yet come to the point of welcoming it with open arms but at least I do not break out into panic attacks at the thought. What brought about the change? Loss. The experience of personal loss in my life and with the promise of a reunion on the other side makes death a necessary "evil". Only when I pass through death would I be able to join my loved ones who have gone ahead. Only through death would I be able to experience a life without pain, sorrow and mourning, for faith tells me that all that troubled my life would be no more living Life in God's presence .

The pain of parting is still remembered. Yet this same pain is what helps remind me that I can not allow a moment to pass without it being noted, experienced - lived. Life indeed is precious, all because it has an end. At the end of the funeral, on the way home I found myself looking at my own mother, who chose to attend the wake to pay her own respects to the mother of my best friend, and thanking God I still have her with me. Death today taught me again to not take things for granted....

Ashes to Ashes...

2007-02-21T10:14:00.000+08:00

Today is the beginning of the Lenten Season. Ash Wednesday is the day when we place on our foreheads a cross from the ashes of burnt palms (used the previous Palm Sunday). Years back I remember the priest intoning, "Remember you are dust, and unto dust you shall return." Nowadays, we hear instead the words, "Turn away from sin and believe in the gospel." The words currently used upon the imposition of ashes connote an aspect of grace and an invitation.

Looking at the mark on my forehead, I am reminded of the fact that indeed it is by the cross that I am saved and it is when I choose to turn away from occasions of sin, to believe in the good news that I am now a child of God that true salvation is mine. It is hard to battle the demons within especially the demons that wish to convince us that we are beyond redemption or saving. In a twisted form, such self-abasement and self-hatred seems to me at times, another form of pride. "I am too bad to be saved. I am beyond forgiveness. I am such a failure. There is no hope for a schmuck like me." One has already judged oneself to be beyond God's infinite love and mercy. Only God is the rightful judge. Scripture is fraught with verses upon verses that speak of God's infinite compassion, mercy and love -- that compels him to seek out the lost and rejoice at the return of every sinner.Yet there are those that are genuinely sincere in their realization of their nothingness. I guess its really God who can determine which is which. After all, He's the one who can see into the very heart of things.

Lent is a time of grace. A time indeed to remember our nothingness but at the same time a season by which we realize that an invitation to go back home is also given. Lent is the season by which homecomings are joyfully celebrated, where every prodigal son is once again recognized as a child of God.

May all of us continue to hope in the Love that God offers. Hope in it enough to have the courage to head back home.

Oasis

2007-02-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

When life gets hectic, the tendency is to work harder to be able to cope with the piles and piles of work that seem to never diminish. I, on the other hand, do the opposite. When I find myself running around like a headless chicken, so to speak, I will myself to slow down and stop. It helps me take stock of my present circumstances and allows me to regroup and regain much needed energy to finish the tasks ahead. :)

So, despite the mound of papers I need to check, the grades that await completion, and the hundred and one little things that add up to a feeling of being overwhelmed ...I took today off for a Day of Prayer with my brothers and sisters in community. I'm glad I did. :)

Today was a lesson in being present to my Present. Relishing the feel of wind that gusted from the sea, the relative quiet of the place - no cars, no TV, no radio . . . just the sounds of nature.

Breathing in deeply the air that blew strongly from the sea, seeing the waves slowly advancing upon the shore, good company, good food, and a general sense of well-being helped slow me down and energized me to tackle the tasks ahead.

I came away from that oasis with a renewed sense of who I am, what I am about and most importantly, that I am not alone -- I am loved by Love.

Pensive...

2007-02-08T00:38:00.000+08:00

While in Dumaguete, waiting for the sun to rise after attending dawn mass, I was able to take this picture...reminds me of the times I used to wonder deep thoughts while walking along the seashore...

The sea always helped me put things in proper perspective. Against the vastness of the ocean, what sort of achievement can I boast of. Against the endless rolling in of the tides, what sort of rootedness can I claim. Against the depth of the ocean, what sort of inventions can I lay claim to? When life seems too much, I seek the vast sea, the endless rolling of the waves and the depths of the ocean to put me in my place..."What is man that you should be mindful of him/the son of Man that you should care for him..."

Long Time...

2007-02-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. I can very well use the handy excuse of being too busy. There is also the desire to be private with my thoughts, feelings, reflections, myself. At times, it helps to meander in the silence of one's self. A lot has happened since my last blog. I hope I have grown a little wiser since then.

On my way to work today, this poem came to mind...

The Arrow And The Song

Poem lyrics of The Arrow And The Song by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

I let him go long ago. Time has brought him back. With God's grace, I will be able to continue to sing the song I found in his heart, this time with him for the rest of our lives :)

Wonder why...

2006-10-10T12:34:00.000+08:00

These are random thoughts that typically flow through my mind at odd times especially today...

Things in life I wonder about:

- why can animals coexist in harmony while humans can't? Which is the supposedly 'more intelligent' specie?

-why do we push away the very people we love then accuse them of not loving us enough? How many tests of love does one need to pass in order to prove love? Does love even need to be proven?

-why do we have better memory when it comes to bad memories but have a difficut time recalling better days?

-why do we read so much into what others say and do not say and wonder why our feelings are hurt?

-why do we begin to die the moment we are born?

-why do we keep asking why and not take things as they are?

-why do we need to find an explanation for everything and wonder why we are bored? Life isn't just about labels or rationales. Shouldn't it be about experiencing...being...living?

-why does it hurt when we love and hurt even more when we don't?

-why am I who I am and not someone else?

If I find an answer to all these, would it matter? Such is life. Questions. Wonder. Ahh...Life!

Along the way...

2006-10-10T12:20:00.000+08:00

Halfway there
Stop
Consider...
Ponder...
Dwell...
BE
Walk on...

Life...

2006-09-27T12:02:00.000+08:00

How does one learn to embrace life and not run from it? What does it mean to live life to the fullest? Each person I guess would have his own definition of a full life. For me, a full life isn't something I shall have in the future. It is something I have each day, each moment. It's a challenge to live in the PRESENT -- being present to my present.

I tend to think of the past and what could have been or the future and what might be rather than squeeze all that I can from the particular moment I am NOW in. It's an ongoing lesson but I've learned enough so far not to let most of today pass unnoticed and unknown. There are no replays for life, nor delete buttons. The more precious therefore life and living becomes.

There are many analogies for life -- it's a tapestry, a movie strip, a stage, a cycle, a roller coaster, an adventure, a journey, a landscape of mountains and valleys, a mission, a script and even a box of chocolates. Whichever analogy one chooses to use, the reality is that Life, my life is given to me only once. I'd like to think I have learned enough to embrace all of its facets for after all, I have but one life so I better LIVE it! :)

TGIF thoughts...

2006-09-08T12:59:00.000+08:00

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.

Pedro Arrupe, SJ

I remember reading this quote while I was passing through the hallways of my Alma Mater. I found myself walking away deep in thought afterwards, for I found all that Fr. Arrupe wrote, resonated with my own experience of having come to know God a little more personally than just being a subject of study in class. Through the years I find myself going back to these words, using it as a compass of sorts whenever I find myself living my life as if it was ordinary and routinary. A shame when there is so much that life has to offer and that these are often unrepeatable moments. I pray on this Friday afternoon, that I may never be bored with life. I pray that the Lord will disturb me, if need be, if I ever begin to let life pass me by unreflected, unexperienced, untried. May all that I do begin and end with Love. :)
Check out this link and find people who do things because of Love: www.misyononline.com

Searching...

2006-08-24T12:49:00.000+08:00

It's been a stressful week, although it feels more like a month. I guess the stress increases having to keep it all in, finding no outlet for one's thoughts except in prayer or in print. Nor can one just get up and go, letting your feet take you where it will for responsibilities keep knocking, waiting to be addressed. I have come to a point where I am just tired of being on top of things all the time and yet one can't hand the reins to someone else to drive for a while. Such is life.

In the midst of storms, one's hope is to hold on to the memory of the sun. Surely the sun will shine again...surely a safe harbor can be found, where ragged sails may be mended, numerous holes in the hull may be patched, and supplies replenished for yet another leg of the journey. I had searched for such a place, thought I saw a vision of it through the sheets of rain, yet lost it in the darkness of the night. I am exhausted fighting the waves that at times tower higher than my ship, appearing out of nowhere when I was lulled by the calm. Yet I hope still for I know that my Beloved is not far. He promised and He always delivers. So I strain despite the tiredness of fighting small battles to see Him beckoning me on. So I hope even as I continue to search...Eventually, I know I'll find what my heart searches for....Until then I will keep on searching....

Confused...

2006-07-28T15:44:00.000+08:00

Don't really know what to write
Afraid that when I do
My fears become a reality...

When someone loves you
is that good only til a certain time?
Is it a guarantee that you will never hurt again?

I don't know everything
but i do know that love isn't love til it hurts.
Jesus on the cross proves that.

Does He withdraw his love
when I find it too demanding
and complain against His ways?

Does He deem me unworthy
when I honestly tell Him
that I am angry and hurt over what He asks of me?

Despite the hurts,
I am glad He loves me
His love, I find, defines me.

Pain, hurt, disappointment
Joy, Confidence, Peace
the aspects of Love
One can't have one without the other.

Will you love me
even if you will end up hurting me and yourself?
I'm willing to take the risk,
are you?

The Precious Things in Life

2006-07-24T13:08:00.000+08:00

It is good to touch base with people who know you inside and out. I realize now how right my leader in community was when she urged me to cultivate relationships among the sisters. At that time, I was more open to the brothers finding their directness refreshing to the roundabout way women tended to be. In my opinion, men were easier to talk to. One need not worry about inadvertently trampling on their feelings. Yet, my leader in community made it my weekly "assignment" to get to know a new sister each week. She shared that no matter what state of life we will find ourselves later in, our friendships with women would become our strength and refuge. She was right.

Today, when I couldn't figure out what was expected of me or what I had done wrong this time, a call to a girl friend restored my faith in my own goodness. Our talk of inane things which were for us important but for men would be plain silly helped restore my spirits.

I'm glad I took the time and the challenge of establishing good women friends because there comes a point where only fellow women would understand. That's all I needed actually - to be understood, to be affirmed, to be encouraged, yet to be corrected with love. My girl friends are several of the precious things in my life. There are several others but for today...this is one particular treasure I am particularly grateful for.

All bottled up

2006-07-24T11:02:00.000+08:00

At times it gets too much
being everyone's safe harbor

It's times like these
that I seek you out

And find the truth
That only You, O Lord
can truly suffice.

On a rainy afternoon...

2006-07-11T13:07:00.000+08:00

I wonder how that happens...one moment you are talking about something, generally getting along then all of a sudden - wham, you run into a brick wall you didn't see coming. The connection you had with your companion gets lost in the subsequent static of miscommunication. You say something, the other person understands it differently from how you meant it to be and what once was in harmony is now slightly at odds with one another.

You desperately scramble to get a better reception while at the same time defending your stand and the context in which you said it. Then as the discussion goes along you lose sight of what your whole purpose for saying it in the first place was all about. Then you shift to a conciliatory stance deeming it better to preserve peace rather than to prove that you were right in your assertions.

"Pick your battles," I tend to say. In the long run we are after peace and goodwill rather than proving who is right. Yet it takes stepping back from being in the midst of such situations and taking stock objectively, is this discussion worth ruining, damaging or endangering the present relationship I have with this person?

If the answer is "No" then its better to seek for peace and pursue it, that in doing so we create the peace we so all desire to have and experience....

Thoughts on a Saturday evening

2006-07-08T21:32:00.000+08:00

I have learned over the years that the Lord tends to speak in the most mundane thing. Today was no exception.

Who knew that while having a pedicure the Lord can speak loud and clear? Leafing through a magazine while passing the time waiting for the afternoon session of my review class to begin and having my nails done, the words...BE BRAVE jumped from the pages of the magazine.

I knew that voice...its not an audible one, mind you, but after spending years honing my ears to the "voice of my heart" I knew it to be the Lord's. It struck a chord within me and I knew somehow what He meant. I am embarking on a new phase in my life, that of becoming a wife and hopefully down the road a mother. At times the prospect of being responsible for another person's life other than mine scares me. I can hardly run my life well, how much more being responsible for another? Yet...it is what the Lord has called me to. BE BRAVE...how apt.

What is bravery? It's synonymous to courage right? I find that being brave is not being without fear but deciding to press on despite the fear with the conviction that what is being pursued is more important than the fear.

I thought He was done for the day. I was wrong. He had something further up His sleeve. I attended the mass at the Carmelite Monastery. It turns out that today is the second day for their novena in preparation of the Feast of Mt. Carmel. The theme? Faith.

According to the priest, faith is about relationship more than just dogma and doctrine. What I liked from all that he said was that faith is believing that our Father is ultimately in control and he won't allow anything to happen to us.

Faith does not mean we cannot ask questions. Questions asked in sincerity are ways by which faith can be deepened. I like that. I have questions but I have learned to ask them in confidence seeing them as a way to be true to God and to myself. I'm sure He can take my questions. After all He is God so why would He be scared of questions from one of His children?

Faith is also God's gift therefore I do not need to have stronger faith as if it depended on me. What a relief to hear that. I just need to surrender. Easier said than done though. I think it's harder to yield than to fight. Must have something to do with pride....

So as the day draws to a close, I find myself reassured that the path I am on need not be walked alone. Be brave and have Faith. My Father in Heaven will see me through this one, same as He has done in the past.

Am I glad, God is on my side....Ciao

What could have been

2006-07-07T13:09:00.000+08:00

I called up an uncle today
to ask if he would do me the honor
of giving me away...

Made me think
of what could have been
If Papa hadn't passed away...

I missed him all of a sudden...

I prayed that he help me be the good wife I should be. I prayed that he watch over the man I have chosen to love, that he would be kept safe always. I prayed that he guard me with his love as I take another step without him by my side. I prayed that he take care of Mama and Honey as I start my own family. I prayed that he be there at my wedding day to bless me and my fiance, Junby.

Papa, thank you for keeping watch over the years and thank you for praying for your little girl. I know I've slipped up here and there but I guess your fatherly love continued well beyond death.

presentiment
Definition:	A sense that something is about to occur; a premonition.
Synonyms:	boding, foreboding, premonition