Good Friday thoughts...

Today, the whole of Christendom celebrates Good Friday. The day that turned the world upside down, when God who became man, seemingly suffered the bitterest of defeat. I don't have much to share being quite listless the whole day. It could be because I'm still more or less experiencing fatigue brought about by my pregnancy. (I find myself getting irritated with myself for being so weak). It's quite humbling actually to realize that for all that I pride myself at being quite energetic, these past months have proven that I'm not quite as invincible as I thought myself to be.

I'm looking forward to the end of my first trimester. This week is my 12th week and most books I've been reading have said after the first trimester, things will start to look up -- lessening of fatigue, disappearance of nausea (yessss!) and being able to eat more or less normally.

I guess I'm also listless because tomorrow Junby and I are flying to Manila. He's flying back to the US on Easter Sunday and I'm seeing him off. I'm going to miss him definitely but I won't make it more difficult for him by crying and asking him not to leave me (sounds like a line from a movie... :p ). He's having a hard time as it is. Its the least I can do to put on a brave face and take things as they are. Lesson I learned from my Mama. :)

All in all though, its been a blessing that he has been able to spend so much time with me after the wedding. Also another blessing is his new work which allowed him some extra weeks here rather than go back to the US by February. So, I may be in the midst of my own little Good Friday but I can join my private sorrow with Jesus' and hope to see an Easter morning soon. :)

Keeping watch

I just came from a Bisita Iglesia . It's a cold night out -- cool, brisk night wind and a moon that would find its place in some suspense thriller, all round, yellow and hanging low in the sky. As we moved through the different chapels and churches using a variety of transportation -- the tricycle, the jeepney and our own two legs, I prayed the different decades of the rosary for all the people who asked for prayers.

I felt a sense of oneness in purpose with Jesus tonight. Tonight as we kept watch with the Lord, praying at each church's place of adoration, I struggled in mind and in my heart over things that the Lord and I have been talking about the past days. How long did it take before Jesus could say to His Father, "...not my will but your will be done..."?

By the 7th Church, my spirit has somehow found peace. As to what that peace could pertain to is between Jesus and myself. I shall keep watch a little longer tonight and as I do I give thanks that God could love someone as insignificant as myself. As one of my favorite song says..."Amazing Grace..." Who am I to refuse such a gift? Have a Holy Thursday!

Holy Wednesday

It's the third night of the Sundown Retreat given in our parish. Truly, each input seemed like God speaking to me directly. I went away with several thoughts to ponder on during the Triduum.

First, 'We are not to condemn our history but to integrate our past to our present. If we run away from the past, we can't move on.' The speaker, Fr. Louie shared that a person who is embittered and angry is likely one who has not accepted a part of himself and therefore finds it difficult to forgive and to love.

Second, how is it to integrate our past to our present? To integrate is to embrace our past, to come to terms that indeed we failed but to remember that God is there to give our failure meaning. It is to give up our illusions and do a reality check -- to see that we are made up of lights and shadows. In doing so, we become blessed by our past.

Third, we were encouraged not to tie ourselves to the past, but to tie ourselves to the possibilities. The choice is ours. There are many roads. The answer to our questions is in our hands.

Thoughts to ponder this Triduum. May the Holy Spirit guide my prayers. Incidentally the theme of the talk was, "Rock Bottom Experiences: Discovering Possibilities and Meanings." How apt....The Lord indeed speaks in mysterious ways.

The Holiest Week of the Year

Today is Holy Monday. We ushered in the Holiest Week of the Year for Catholics yesterday, Palm Sunday. For those who wish to use this week to take stock of how they are faring in their spiritual, personal life, you may check this link out...http://www.sacredspace.ie/lent/lent07/

As for me, I'm making time this week to meet God in prayer more often. I have to make the time. After all, I am master of my time, right? I'm attending the three day Sundown Retreat offered at our parish. I already attended the first one a few minutes ago. I also availed of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. What Joy there is in knowing that God's love is unconditional and that He doesn't keep count of the many times I have committed the same 'favorite' sin. The priest reminded me of his personal favorite saint when he was in the seminary, St Dominic Savio

The saint who was no more than a boy of 15 was purported to have said, 'Death rather than sin!' May I grow in obedience to what God wants for me -- a holy life. After all sin is basically disobedience to God. If God truly loved me, then he would want the BEST for me. Why then do I keep insisting I know best when I can't even predict what the next couple of hours would bring?

Reflecting under the light of an almost full moon made me feel close to God. All the more after having been absolved of my sins...the night seemed all the more lovely. The retreat began with the song, "How Lovely is Your Dwelling Place" which is one of my favorite songs. It ended with a blessing I have always found seemed to echo God's love for me...the blessing found in Numbers 6: 23-27:

"Speak to Aaron and his sons and tell them: This is how you shall bless the Israelites. Say to them:

The LORD bless you and keep you!

The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!

The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!

So shall they invoke my name upon the Israelites, and I will bless them."

May you all be blessed this Holy Monday. . .