Eye of the Storm

September is drawing to a close. Right around the corner is October. That leaves me with less than three months before the wedding. I'm trying not to panic and to stay on top of things but I do get this feeling of time slipping through my fingers before I can adequately maximize all that it has to offer. I admit I swing in either two directions when that happens. First, I either procrastinate -- an infantile desire to have things fix themselves so I let things slide. Second, I may become almost like a headless chicken rushing to and fro trying to get everything done in one day. Sigh.

On this yet again rainy day, I pause and try to regroup myself and have a better battle plan than staying within the realm of Stephen Covey's 'Urgent/Important' quadrant. I can do this, I tell myself. I have to do this :) No one to pass the buck to nor anyone dogging me to get this or that done. It will get done, by hook or by crook (I say that now with a determined nod of my head, my eye on the calendar, my mind racing with a million and one 'to do' things).

Despite the urgency though, I am glad that I have not yet lost that joyful spirit, thanks to my times of prayer everyday and my fiance's strong support, felt even from a distance. When things are done gladly and with joy it indeed ceases to become a burden. Today is the eye of the storm. I use this time to regroup and to assess how best to tackle the days ahead that I may not lose sight of the goal -- the day God's promises are proven true.

So enough blogging for now. Time to tackle that calendar that has been calling my name the past hour or so. Time to make a battle plan and to carry it through. May God keep me always at the center of His peace. Amen.

As I tackle the list in front of me...this music is playing in the background, soothing me...

Need to study...

I came across this quiz and it made me realize, I need to brush up on my theology... :) It has been awhile since I read a good Catholic Theology book...


Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Friedrich Schleiermacher,You seek to make inner feeling and awareness of God the centre of your theology, which is the foundation of liberalism. Unfortunately, atheists are quick to accuse you of simply projecting humanity onto 'God' and liberalism never really recovers.

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Prayer from the Heart

It's been a while since I blogged...obviously :P I was busy living instead of blogging about living... :)

Anyway, my fiance was in town since September 5 until the 24th so it was more interesting hanging out with him than being in front of the computer. Besides, the only reason I stay in front of the computer most days (other than work-related) is to keep in touch with him and since he's here in the flesh -- best to focus my attention on the real thing. Now that he's back to being on the other side of the world, the computer becomes once again my friend. :P

Since I'm taking a break from doing another sideline, I read this prayer from Chicken Soup of the Soul's website. I found it quite apt for what I pray for Junby and myself. I'd like to share it with you here:

A Prayer for Couples

By Marianne Williamson

Dear God,

Please make of our relationship a great and holy
adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here,
a haven for our souls.

Remove from us any temptation to judge one another
or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.

Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections,
but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.

May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us,
for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing,
a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow,
let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have
the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man,
the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we
are repaired.

May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us,
and show us how You would have us be.

Thank you, dear God,
You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.

Amen.

Oh to be super human...

Was in-between certain tasks at work and stumbled upon this quiz.



I came out as being close to INVISIBLE WOMAN. Bagay ba? Hanapin nyo muna ako :P Back to work na...hehehe

Timely Reminder

I have been feeling out of sorts the past days but by God's grace, I see each day through. Pressure from within and without, I guess. . . and maybe pouring out to others have left me a little. . . out-of-sorts. Not exactly drained but not exactly flying in high heavens either. This morning during my time of prayer, I just asked God to find me again. I have days/moments like that where I feel I don't have what it takes to keep running the race of Faith. Anyway, today, I have seen God's faithfulness. I'm about to work on a project, which I've been putting off but which I really need to do something about now. Yet before doing so, I hedged one more time and instead opened my e-mail on the pretext of checking for "important" messages.

Well God I believe can communicate through any means even technology and so I decided to check out a post of one of my friends on multiply. Yup, God did indeed speak. It was good to be reminded of some truths in this video. I've copied it here so that others may see (if anybody does check my blog that is :P) and take heart. :) Thank you Jesus...thank you...

Memories of times past

When things become too much to take in at once, part of me wishes to go back to a time when the world made sense, I made sense. Songs help me get there. Here is a song that comes from one of my Papa's favorite artists, Richard Clayderman. I used to have a crush on him... :P Those were the days... and today is such a day that I need a memory from the past to draw comfort from. Thank God for music (the language of the soul, in my humble opinion)...

Pop Psychology

I like taking tests. Yes, I know I'm weird but we all have our own brand of weirdness. I guess mine is the desire to find out how I fare in terms of tests, quizzes and pop psychology stuff. So here are my results for a quick Color Test. Quite on the dot, if I do say so myself.... :)

Mitzi took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Shelves her ambitions and forgoes her desire for p..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Take it yourself if you have five minutes on your hands. It's always good to know one's self better. :)

A poem from Long ago...

Taking a break from the regular work I do for Misyon, I decided to try stumbleupon again. It's a cool add on of Firefox which brings me to sites that I would not have stumbled upon if I had used the regular search engines. It's fun actually since I don't really know what site would be presented to me. Though the sites given to me are more or less along the perimeters of the categories I had indicated.

Well this cool, overcast August afternoon, I stumbled upon an old poem. Reading it brought back memories of hearing my maternal grandfather reading different works of poetry to us when we were kids, instructing us to roll our r's and to enunciate whenever we attempted to read these works of literature aloud. This old poem is from one of my Lolo's favorite poets, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I believe its an apt poem for how I see life nowadays....

A Psalm Of Life

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;--

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

I found this wonderful poem at READ PRINT, a free online library which holds thousands of books for students, teachers and classic enthusiasts. I thank Lolo Ting for teaching me to love the written word. It has guided me along life's paths, teaching me through the different protagonist and antagonists the dynamics of living. One need not live everything for learning to take place. At times, learning vicariously through another's experience is enough. Through the different characters of the written word, I have as Longfellow aptly put it, "Learn to labor and to wait."

Beam me up Scotty...

Trying to stay awake, I stumbled upon this little test. For those who are fans of Star Trek, you might like to check this out and at the same time you can relate :P I took the test trying to see which Star Trek character I would be. Would you agree? The results show that I have the personality of:

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Always in control, you are a great leader, delegates, and diplomat. These qualities attract people to you, and this sometimes annoys you.

Aloof, introspective, and philosophical; you enjoy quiet time in solitude.

Take the Star Trek Quiz

Word Game

Here's a nice way to add to your vocabulary...

Word of the Day

presentiment
Definition:	A sense that something is about to occur; a premonition.
Synonyms:	boding, foreboding, premonition

Word of the Day
provided by The Free Dictionary

Hangman

Hangman
provided by The Free Dictionary

A forgotten name...

Lovely. . . that was how Papa used to call me. I had forgotten that but was reminded recently when Mama, due to my insistence, started looking for long-lost family pictures. I need the pictures for the wedding after all. In her initial forays into the daunting pile of boxes which hold most of our earthly possessions (having decided not to unpack most of them after we transferred here, Lola's house) she found some pieces of paper, yellowed with age. They were Papa's scribbled notes to himself regarding various topics. This particular piece of paper had a rundown of a family outing they had planned for Honey and myself -- a day at the carnival. That was in 1990, a year before Papa passed away.

The items on the note sounded so much like Papa. He wrote the way he spoke. One item on that list was a reminder to himself to allot a certain amount of money for "Lovely and Honey to spend to their heart's content. . ." That's when I remembered that Papa didn't call me Mitzi. He tended to call me Lovely. . . .

Reading that note made me miss Papa and brought a wistful smile to my face. I had forgotten that nickname. . . It's good to somehow remember it now. . . .

Lovely. . .

This is so funny!

Just wanted to share a video I had seen last year pa but it was in a friend's 3G phone. I found it now on youtube. Hope you find it as funny as I do...



With that, I am inspired to start working on a presentation for Misyon's November-December 2007 issue's CD version. Hope it turns out well :P

In thanksgiving...

I sleep tonight with a smile on my lips and a prayer of thanks to God. Today has been a day of affirmation for me. Affirmation of God's goodness and faithfulness, affirmation of the rightness in following God's ways and timing. I slept most of this morning away, all the nights of sleeping late the past week catching up with me. Since I had already attended mass Saturday evening, I didn't need to get up early to catch mass at 11:00 A.M. Finally feeling that I have overstayed my welcome in dreamland, I got up and convinced myself to begin work on a project I had pledged myself to do. I worked steadily at my task, pausing once in a while to get up and walk about trying to jog my creative streak into high gear. Then at around 5 P.M. I called it a 'day' and decided to take a kitty nap before heading out for my dinner with brother and sisters I used to work on staff with for CYA.

We met up at Lopue's Mandalagan and went to Hayahay, a restaurant found in the compound of Lopue's Mandalagan. I was impressed with the interior, the ambiance was chic but not intimidating. The food -- sarap! I recommend it. We had two types of pizza and a tomato based soup whose name I can't quite spell at the moment :P It was a good time to chat, catch up on the events of each other's lives and what God is teaching each of us at the moment. There is really something life-giving when I am with people who have experienced God in a very personal and real way. I somehow feel that the most essential part of me is acknowledged, nourished and affirmed. I feel more like myself when I am with them.

We ended the night by giving honor to three people: April (she had left volunteer staff work at the middle of the semester last year so we were unable to thank her and affirm all the good she had done while working full time for the brothers and sisters), Michelle (who celebrated her birthday a few weeks ago) and surprise -- myself (I celebrated my birthday a month ago). Honoring is a practice we have in community where we thank the person being honored for the good that he/she has done which have made a significant impact in our lives. I believe honoring is very essential nowadays in a world that only seeks to point out one's mistakes and failures and dismisses the good that is done as being trivial and obvious. It was heart warming to hear and remember how we had in one way or another blessed the lives of others.

In thanksgiving I would like to also say thank you to God who 'ordered' me home and brought me to these men and women who have in their own personal pursuit of God have shown me the beauty, nobility, dignity and value in others and in myself. By God's grace we have been Jesus to each other. God does indeed know best. I know I was not very happy about leaving Manila to start a new life here in Bacolod. Yet God in His wisdom knew that this is where I needed to be to solidify the lessons and realizations I've had of Him and of my purpose in life. It has been my privilege to journey with these brother and sisters. My life has been enriched because they have become part of it. Thank you Lord for knowing better. Thank you also for the grace to submit to your will.

Unexpected find

Have you ever had those days that things just seem to fall into place? I think I'm having one of those days. Though I did start my day rather abruptly, since I woke up to find that it was already 7:30 AM and call time at the office is at 8, God must have had mercy on me that the moment I ventured out of the house, I got to ride a jeep without having to waste minutes waiting for one. That lucky streak continued for the next jeep ride and then a tricycle so that I got to the office at relatively early for one so late :P

I decided to have my breakfast and prayer time in the office na rin to save on time so I did just that. Then work began. While taking a break before I tackle two articles lined up -- one for editing and the other for fleshing out, I decided to check out www.imeem.com for some songs I had playing in my head. Guess what I found? One of my favorite songs! Here it is:



I remember staff days singing to this song. And where I am now in my life, this song still fits. Hope you enjoy it. Now, its back to work...:)

Dance with me?

Last Saturday, my mom and I got an unexpected invitation from Mommy E, to join them at the alumni night of USLS. They had paid for several tickets already and since they didn't want these tickets to go to waste, they decided to extend the invitation to us. Mama and I agreed and off we went. On the way, Mama and I were laughing to ourselves wondering what an LCC alumna and an Atenean doing in La Sallian territory?

The night went quite well. They had a good band, "Behind Closed Doors" who played all the crowd's favorites from cha-cha to boogie to rock and roll tunes. I had a few spins on the dance floor myself with my Mommy E, of course. Mama just opted to sit and watch the dancers. Mommy E was able to convince her hubby to join her in dancing too. If her shoe hadn't given out on her, we wouldn't have gone home before midnight. :)

During the course of the night, as I watched others dance and took a few turns on the dance floor myself, I realized its been a while since I went dancing. I used to dance a lot in Manila mostly in connection with presentations in our covenant community, Ligaya ng Panginoon. I like to dance (not that I'm very good at it, mind you) and at one point in my relationship with God, I came to see my relationship with him as a dance. There came a point in my life where I couldn't find the song in my heart that helped me to dance but that season has passed. I haven't thought about dancing in a long while but that night reminded me of the joy in just letting one's body move to the beat. I found a message from a friend lately that kind of speaks of how I think of dancing:

Dancing With God
a forwarded message...

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn't flow with the music,

and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,

both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back

or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,

and attentiveness from one person

and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".

"God, "u" and "i" dance."

God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust

that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead

and to guide you through each season of your life.

World Youth Day 2008

Hello friends! My boss, Fr Sean showed me the site for the next World Youth Day in SYDNEY, Australia on July 2008. I listened to the theme song and it brought me to tears. I pray that the Holy Spirit indeed pour forth His power to renew the face of the earth. Here's the theme song. Play it, pray it so that when July 2008 comes around, the Holy Spirit indeed will be received by the youth of the world....

Wise words from a great poet

A few days ago, I encountered on the same day from two different sources the same quotation. It's a quotation I had read before in one of my cousin's favorite books, Letters to a Young Poet by Ranier Maria Rilke. I haven't gotten around to getting a copy for myself but I resolve to do so before the year is out. The said quotation came in the wake of my personal ruminations on certain questions about life and love. They might have been coincidences but I'm more inclined to believe that the quotation was given as a gentle reminder to me by God -- that to not know the answer to some of life's questions is not such a tragedy. The quote is as follows:

"You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within you the possibility of creating and forming, as an especially blessed and pure way of living; train yourself for that - but take whatever comes, with great trust, and as long as it comes out of your will, out of some need of your innermost self, then take it upon yourself, and don't hate anything."

When I was searching the net for the exact quotation, I came across a website dedicated to that very book. You may wish to check it out one time. Each sentence I believe is worth pondering especially during cold, rainy days when thinking and pondering seems appropriate. On a side note, only when I read the entire letter 4 did I discover that the topic that was under discussion in that missive was sex. Rilke has a very beautiful way of discussing it -- restoring to it the dignity that is sadly lacking in most discussions on the topic nowadays.

So if you have a cold, rainy day with nothing much to do (that would be quite rare for most of us), check out the site and learn to live the questions in your own life. Isn't it great to be alive?

Letters to a Young Poet

Song for this rainy day...

I was inspired by my cousin's blog recently which featured the different soundtracks that would pepper her days. Though I am quite challenged to recall the titles of songs, having to ask for it to be sung before I can say with certainty whether I know the song in question or not, I too have those days where music plays at the back of my mind triggered by an event or a person.

Her blog (which you will see on the newly posted Blog roll -- naks marunong na daw) pointed me to a kewl website: http://www.blogmusik.net/ where you can create your own play list. So I set to work in creating one for myself. I had always wanted to compile songs from movies and television shows and to my delight, I have created a play list with a lot of songs I have been wanting to hear for so long. In the course of my happy downloading, I encountered this song that is part of the OST of Love Actually. Somehow the lyrics speak a little about how I feel today. With the help of another website: imeem, I've decided to post it here -- as my song for today:

If I were a book...

It's a few minutes past midnight so technically its already July 3, 2007. I had decided to call it a night/day from making a project (helping a Catholic school come up with its Religious Education curriculum) when I checked my e-mail one last time. Seeing an invitation from an old friend from college to join my network of friends online, I chose to accept the invitation and thus check out the developments on my fellow multiply users. Thus, I was led to take this quiz :P (What can I say? Curiosity gets me into fixes which makes life interesting). If I were a book, what would I be? Hmmm . . . Here is the result of the quiz . . .

You're One Hundred Years of Solitude!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Lonely and struggling, you've been around for a very long time.
Conflict has filled most of your life and torn apart nearly everyone you know. Yet there
is something majestic and even epic about your presence in the world. You love life all
the more for having seen its decimation. After all, it takes a village.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

So my dear friends -- would you agree? :P

Thank you Pa...

Thirty more minutes and Sunday would have passed into Monday. I'd like to take these last few minutes of Father's Day to pay tribute to my Papa.

I miss him. After almost sixteen years, the pain that loss brings has faded to a dull ache, one that only manifests itself in times of loneliness, fear, extreme joy, during memorable occasions and moments of wanting to be a kid without a care in the world. I can't quite call to mind how he looks now not as easily as before but I can remember quite well how it felt to be wrapped in his arms and seemingly disappear into his embrace. During those moments, those arms that held me felt like home. Only in God's arms during my times of prayer do I feel that again. There is just something about Papa's hugs that can never be replicated.

My Papa was far from being a saint or the perfect father as definitions of perfect fathers go. Over the years though, I have come to realize that he was the best father he knew how to be and how he was, as a father was what I needed and tend to seek until now. He had his favorite vices though he never let them take over his life, for which I am grateful. He had his own share of shattering my expectations and losing my trust for a period of time but what healed me of those broken 'ideals' of what a father was 'supposed' to be was the knowledge that to him, I was the most precious thing in the world. I was his princess...daddy's little girl.

It was he who taught me how to swallow medicine in tablet form. He taught me how to bike for about half a minute before I toppled over and refused to learn again. He taught me how to defend myself -- from breaking free of a hand gripping my wrist to hitting the most sensitive places of an attacker enough to give me a chance to run. He taught me how to play chess and what an accomplishment it was for me to 'beat' him at a game. He cooked the best tasting adobo and showed me how to interpret people's actions because we didn't speak the same language -- he would give a running interpretation of 'Wok with Yan'. He introduced me to the joys of reading. I remember reading 'Hunt for Red October' when I was in grade 5.

He showed me how men were supposed to treat women -- I never remembered my parents arguing. If they did, they must have done it behind closed doors so I escaped the trauma of seeing my parents fight. He showed me what faithfulness and love meant. He always came home after a week-long absence due to his work as the company dentist of a sugar central which was located far from Bacolod. He taught me how to give massages, allowing me to walk on his back until I became too heavy, that is. He showed me what it meant to be a man in control of his emotions. However trying the circumstances, he never raised his voice nor his hands. Only once did I see him do anything physically violent -- he kicked a chair in frustration over the outcome of one of his 'adopted sons' life because of thoughtlessness. He taught me the value of generosity and affording other people their human dignity no matter their social status in life. He had a clinic at home and we would get patients sometimes in the dead of the night. He never turned them away even when they had nothing to pay him with for his services except for some farm produce or live chicken they had with them.

He introduced to me the world of classical music. I can still remember lazy Sundays where the only sound heard at home were the strains of the Ride of the Valkyries or the overtures of Swan Lake. He opened up to me the different periods in music history and the great artists that peopled them. We used to listen to these masterpieces on a record player otherwise known as a turntable. He also taught me some tai chi movements for no other reason than he wanted me to learn them. In short, he knew a little about almost everything -- Jack of all trades and master in some.

I miss you Papa. Happy Father's day. Thank you for loving me.