My lean-to...

When I am buffeted by confusion, distress and uncertainty...I remember the words of a saint who is my namesake, St Teresa of Avila...

(This is the English translation, but I first heard it in a form of a song in Spanish)

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing:
God never changes.
Patience obtains to all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

Solo Dios basta. God alone indeed suffices.

So I now run to the shelter of my lean-to...and leaning on Him find a respite from the storm within and without. There are times that we do not need to understand everything...what matters is that in the midst of it, I can find Him, my lean-to...

Ironies in my life...

I am an apparent contradiction.
I am happy yet sad.
I am satisfied yet discontented.
I am in my present yet I am a product of my past and my future is defined, more often than not by it as well.
I am hopeful yet resigned.
I am loved without condition yet I love with conditions.
I claim to be strong but hurt others because of my weakness.
I am certain yet doubt.
I am home yet on my way there.
I am me yet not --
I am a canvas for others to define themselves by
yet in their search for themselves they have defined me as well.

Isn't it ironic indeed that I seek for perfection in others yet fail to perfect myself. Scriptures speak the truth...the measure by which we measure others, should verily be the same measure God shall use to measure me. In the final analysis, how do I measure against God and Jesus' standards of loving? And in all honesty, the irony of it all is that I can't even hold a candle to their kind of loving yet I am called to love as they love. Can I truly love that way? My Faith tells me, God in me and through me can bring this about...without any help from me except the simple assent to his efforts. Jesus...mercy....

PS Check out the pre-nuptial blog my fiance and I set up to keep friends updated on the progress of our wedding. It's at...www.junbyandmitzi.blogspot.com

Midafternoon

Sleepless Nights
Tired body
Drooping Spirit

Cold Silence
Deafening questions
Echo unceasingly

Bewilderment
Aching heart
Resignation

Sadness
Weariness
body and soul

Tears
Escape
Welcome slumber

Troubled dreams
questions unanswered
Awakening with a heavy heart

Questions
unanswered
no one there
just cold silence....

All things at their proper time...

Time is of the essence. It slips through one's fingers even before one is aware of it. What is present, becomes in a blink of an eye, part of the past. However much I wish to hold on to some moments in my life, I find I can only do so in the treasure chest of my memories. Memories are a gift, yet why at the end of life, all that is recent fades and what remains are the earliest recollections one has -- childhood in particular.

Some view time as an enemy that needs to be fought, struggled with and tamed. I see it more as an ally. It teaches me to the value of cherishing things, people, moments. It teaches me that in the midst of my finite state...I long for eternity.