Memories of a Song

This morning while taking a break, I heard a song I haven't heard in quite a while. Here are the lyrics:

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM

MARY MAGDALENE
From: Jesus Christ Superstar

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

I've been trying to recall where I first heard it and sang it. Almost half a day has passed when I suddenly remember...it was during one of our Sisters' Household. It became our Household theme song. Reading it and hearing it after several years brought a smile to my lips as I remembered sisters coming up with actions to match the lyrics, singing it with emotions and memorizing the lines to keep us going weeks after.

Indeed, Jesus' love, if taken quite seriously is scary. He doesn't just ask a lot, He asks for everything. Though scary, His love is what keeps me going, it has compelled me to do things I never thought I'd do i.e. perform on stage, speak to a stranger about God's love, accept rejection and keep trying to reach out. His love still scares me...yet it makes me feel more alive than I have ever been. 'I love him so.'