A Farewell of Sorts...

Today -- I joined my best friend in bringing her mom to her final resting place. Death seems so final yet our faith teaches otherwise. Death is the doorway towards Eternal Life. Such a hope makes the passing away of a loved one more bearable but it does not erase the pain that comes with the loss. Yet, it is also death which makes every moment special and precious....

I used to dread death for I could not fathom how it would be being six feet under with a load of earth on top of you. It must be claustrophobic! What will I see, hear, feel when I am dead. Will I even be able to do all these then? Such thoughts I could not bear for long. I would shudder and breathe a prayer that such a reality be not mine for a long time yet. Growing older, I am slowly making my peace with it. I have not yet come to the point of welcoming it with open arms but at least I do not break out into panic attacks at the thought. What brought about the change? Loss. The experience of personal loss in my life and with the promise of a reunion on the other side makes death a necessary "evil". Only when I pass through death would I be able to join my loved ones who have gone ahead. Only through death would I be able to experience a life without pain, sorrow and mourning, for faith tells me that all that troubled my life would be no more living Life in God's presence .

The pain of parting is still remembered. Yet this same pain is what helps remind me that I can not allow a moment to pass without it being noted, experienced - lived. Life indeed is precious, all because it has an end. At the end of the funeral, on the way home I found myself looking at my own mother, who chose to attend the wake to pay her own respects to the mother of my best friend, and thanking God I still have her with me. Death today taught me again to not take things for granted....

Ashes to Ashes...

Today is the beginning of the Lenten Season. Ash Wednesday is the day when we place on our foreheads a cross from the ashes of burnt palms (used the previous Palm Sunday). Years back I remember the priest intoning, "Remember you are dust, and unto dust you shall return." Nowadays, we hear instead the words, "Turn away from sin and believe in the gospel." The words currently used upon the imposition of ashes connote an aspect of grace and an invitation.


Looking at the mark on my forehead, I am reminded of the fact that indeed it is by the cross that I am saved and it is when I choose to turn away from occasions of sin, to believe in the good news that I am now a child of God that true salvation is mine. It is hard to battle the demons within especially the demons that wish to convince us that we are beyond redemption or saving. In a twisted form, such self-abasement and self-hatred seems to me at times, another form of pride. "I am too bad to be saved. I am beyond forgiveness. I am such a failure. There is no hope for a schmuck like me." One has already judged oneself to be beyond God's infinite love and mercy. Only God is the rightful judge. Scripture is fraught with verses upon verses that speak of God's infinite compassion, mercy and love -- that compels him to seek out the lost and rejoice at the return of every sinner.Yet there are those that are genuinely sincere in their realization of their nothingness. I guess its really God who can determine which is which. After all, He's the one who can see into the very heart of things.


Lent is a time of grace. A time indeed to remember our nothingness but at the same time a season by which we realize that an invitation to go back home is also given. Lent is the season by which homecomings are joyfully celebrated, where every prodigal son is once again recognized as a child of God.

May all of us continue to hope in the Love that God offers. Hope in it enough to have the courage to head back home.

Oasis

When life gets hectic, the tendency is to work harder to be able to cope with the piles and piles of work that seem to never diminish. I, on the other hand, do the opposite. When I find myself running around like a headless chicken, so to speak, I will myself to slow down and stop. It helps me take stock of my present circumstances and allows me to regroup and regain much needed energy to finish the tasks ahead. :)

So, despite the mound of papers I need to check, the grades that await completion, and the hundred and one little things that add up to a feeling of being overwhelmed ...I took today off for a Day of Prayer with my brothers and sisters in community. I'm glad I did. :)

Today was a lesson in being present to my Present. Relishing the feel of wind that gusted from the sea, the relative quiet of the place - no cars, no TV, no radio . . . just the sounds of nature.



Breathing in deeply the air that blew strongly from the sea, seeing the waves slowly advancing upon the shore, good company, good food, and a general sense of well-being helped slow me down and energized me to tackle the tasks ahead.

I came away from that oasis with a renewed sense of who I am, what I am about and most importantly, that I am not alone -- I am loved by Love.

Pensive...

While in Dumaguete, waiting for the sun to rise after attending dawn mass, I was able to take this picture...reminds me of the times I used to wonder deep thoughts while walking along the seashore...

The sea always helped me put things in proper perspective. Against the vastness of the ocean, what sort of achievement can I boast of. Against the endless rolling in of the tides, what sort of rootedness can I claim. Against the depth of the ocean, what sort of inventions can I lay claim to? When life seems too much, I seek the vast sea, the endless rolling of the waves and the depths of the ocean to put me in my place..."What is man that you should be mindful of him/the son of Man that you should care for him..."

Long Time...

It has been a while since I last blogged. I can very well use the handy excuse of being too busy. There is also the desire to be private with my thoughts, feelings, reflections, myself. At times, it helps to meander in the silence of one's self. A lot has happened since my last blog. I hope I have grown a little wiser since then.

On my way to work today, this poem came to mind...

The Arrow And The Song

Poem lyrics of The Arrow And The Song by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

I let him go long ago. Time has brought him back. With God's grace, I will be able to continue to sing the song I found in his heart, this time with him for the rest of our lives :)