Good Friday thoughts...

Today, the whole of Christendom celebrates Good Friday. The day that turned the world upside down, when God who became man, seemingly suffered the bitterest of defeat. I don't have much to share being quite listless the whole day. It could be because I'm still more or less experiencing fatigue brought about by my pregnancy. (I find myself getting irritated with myself for being so weak). It's quite humbling actually to realize that for all that I pride myself at being quite energetic, these past months have proven that I'm not quite as invincible as I thought myself to be.

I'm looking forward to the end of my first trimester. This week is my 12th week and most books I've been reading have said after the first trimester, things will start to look up -- lessening of fatigue, disappearance of nausea (yessss!) and being able to eat more or less normally.

I guess I'm also listless because tomorrow Junby and I are flying to Manila. He's flying back to the US on Easter Sunday and I'm seeing him off. I'm going to miss him definitely but I won't make it more difficult for him by crying and asking him not to leave me (sounds like a line from a movie... :p ). He's having a hard time as it is. Its the least I can do to put on a brave face and take things as they are. Lesson I learned from my Mama. :)

All in all though, its been a blessing that he has been able to spend so much time with me after the wedding. Also another blessing is his new work which allowed him some extra weeks here rather than go back to the US by February. So, I may be in the midst of my own little Good Friday but I can join my private sorrow with Jesus' and hope to see an Easter morning soon. :)

A quick pick-me upper

I know I haven't blogged much lately :) You could say the effects of pregnancy make blogging something that isn't top priority. Been going through the classic symptoms of the first trimester, including "morning" sickness. I placed that in quotation marks since going to the bathroom and 'worshiping the porcelain god', according to my husband, isn't limited to mornings. I won't bore you with all the details :)

Anyway, taking a break from working on our website, Misyon online, I decided to surf for some videos to brighten up my day. I found this. This is my favorite scene from the movie Raise Your Voice featuring Hillary Duff. The main character played by Hillary lost her desire to sing when her brother died in a car accident while she, the passenger, survived. The lyrics of the song help me now to remember that with everything considered, I can survive the next couple of weeks before my first trimester ends. Hehe. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Pangga!

Today is the birthday of my beloved husband of one month and 17 days. Thank you for the love you show me everyday -- how you still open doors for me, carry heavy stuff for me (I draw the line when you offer to carry my shoulder bag for me), pray for my concerns, give me great back rubs, cheerfully go about the chores at home, tell me how pretty I am and how much you love me, listen to me, serve with me in CYA and even drop what you are doing to answer my requests for assistance -- the internet kind. Thank you for all that and more. Happy Birthday! I am glad God saw it fit for me to be your partner. It took several years apart for Him to work on us both but it seems God knew what He was about. As you celebrate your birthday today -- I'd like to bless you with my favorite prayer (one that whenever it is uttered, brings me to tears for it reminds me of God's most loving presence) :

The LORD bless you and keep you! The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace! Numbers 6:24-26

Why God made Grandmas....

While I was looking for stuff that would lift my spirit today, I remembered that there is a Christian version of youtube. It's called Godtube. So I decided to surf that. I found several heartwarming videos but this one topped it for me today. My lola turned 91 years old last January 7, 2008 and the past days she has become progressively weaker. Now she can't stand nor walk when last year she could still quite manage to walk from the bedroom to our sala. She refuses to eat most of the time, that's why she nearly fainted last Sunday. It's heartbreaking to see her slowly wasting away. I guess it's also because we don't talk or interact with her much. I mean, I would literally die of boredom if all I did was stare at the ceiling while the rest of the family went about their own lives.

I love my lola and though I keep vowing to myself to spend more time with her, I am afraid I will wake up one day and find it too late. So tonight, we're eating at home for dinner. And I will make it a point to chat with lola even for just a while. Anyway, this little boy's final insight was what got to me. . .

New Year, New Life

Welcome 2008! It's a new year with the offering of a new life in more ways than one. One major change in my life now is that I am now the wife of (hopefully) a very happy man :D We've been keeping a separate blog for all that is wedding-related but since I don't have the time to upload all the nice pictures that were taken during the wedding, I'm posting here the links to some of sites that do have pictures :) Hope you have time to visit them. If not, a murmured prayer for me and my husband, Leonides Saguisag Jr would be most appreciated. Here are some links:

http://junbyandmitzi.blogspot.com/
http://mtfr.multiply.com/photos/album/8/A_Day_to_Remember

Getting married, being a major undertaking, both in terms of preparation and the actual event I have been unable to post any of my thoughts and opinions. I hope to have more time to do that once I finish up the stack of work that piled up when I went off to our honeymoon in Palawan and the subsequent holiday disorders. Suffice it to say that now that we are back in Bacolod and starting to settle down to some sort of 'normal' living, I will have more time to ruminate on the past and to plan and aim for dreams with my husband this time. :)

Time to get back to work. Hehehe. Just couldn't resist posting one tiny thought before tackling this webpage I'm working on. I look forward to the coming days as Junby and I start to settle down to a routine and to the exciting world of Marriage. :D

Who says you need to be great to make a difference?

I was reading my regular fare of inspirational stuff and decided to post this. Most of us won't ever get into key positions that can change the world in a major way but like this man, we can actually mean the world to someone else. It doesn't take much to do as well -- a little smile, a listening ear and heart, a few minutes of chatting. After watching this video, I am encouraged to look, really LOOK at some of the people I normally pass by or don't have much time for -- my 90 year old Lola who has alzheimer's , my talkative niece, etc. I just might be better for it.

clipped from www.beliefnet.com Morning Practice: Delivering Joy Do you ever feel invisible? This man cheerfully delivers meals to people who would otherwise have no visitors. He likes to bring smiles their faces and let them know someone cares. Why? Because we're all God's children, he says.

I need to get out more often. . .

While waiting for my turn, I was stumbling along quite happily when I stumbled upon this site that tests your knowledge of geography. Sad to say I didn't even get past the first level. Which is ok. It just challenges me more to get to know this place I call home, the earth. If you wish to test your own knowledge about our world, here's the game I was playing. . .

Get a FREE Travel Blog, or copy this
Traveler IQ challenge
from TravelPod.com

. . . .

I want to go to the sea. Can someone take me there now? I suddenly long for the roar of the ocean, just like in Infanta. Confronted by the vastness of it, by the rush of the waves and their crashing upon the shore -- all that is unspeakable within me need not be spoken any more. . . .

I want to feel the rushing of a strong wind upon my face -- lifting my hair like a sail behind me. I want to be bathed by the light of a full moon, soothed by its quieting silvery light.

Yet all I can do tonight is sigh. . .a sigh that wells up from deep within me yet cannot be articulated beyond that. Let it suffice for now...Deep calls to Deep.

SIGH. . . .

. . . .


I wrote this post with this Relaxation and Meditation Timer I stumbled upon. It had a choice of songs which you can play in the background with a clock to keep time for you as you meditate or relax. It seemed appropriate somehow...

History, anyone?

I stumbled upon this during my lunch break. It brought to mind my stint as a teacher in World History in my alma mater two years ago (gosh, has it been that long?) It's pretty neat. Wish I had this as one of my visual aid tools back then. It would have made an interesting jump off point for a discussion on the role of religion in terms of the expansion of society. :) Anyway, here it is...watch and learn...

Getting rid of tunnel vision

When I become caught up in my little world -- with its seemingly BIG concerns, get weighed down by the things that are not going the way I want them to go, when my world seems to have shrunk to me being the center of it -- I need a way to rid myself of, what I call, 'tunnel vision'.

In medical terms, tunnel vision is the loss of peripheral vision with retention of central vision, resulting in a constricted circular tunnel-like field of vision

In layman's terms, it seems as if all that one can see is focused only on one thing, everything else beside it fades away. Well with the wedding day moving closer, I seem to be experiencing a slight tunneling of my vision. I find myself unable to think of the big picture as readily as I used to. Well tonight, while taking a break from wedding-related stuff, I stumbled upon this website with a very inspiring video . . . It's of a professor who was giving his last lecture. The highlights of his lecture helped me get rid of my temporary tunnel vision and restore to me a sense of what this is all for :)

The wedding isn't the end all and be all of everything (though at times I admit it feels like that :P). The whole world will not cease to exist if the invitations are not sent when I planned them to be sent nor will World War III take place if I forget one logistical detail. What is important is the marriage -- the new life I am entering into. Now that is something I need to keep touching base with. All these wedding preparations are actually showing me how I would most likely deal with the stressors that are part and parcel of married life. LIFE -- that is the operative word I have to remember. That was what Professor Randy's lecture was all about.

Thank you to Sara of Healthbolt, the site I found the video at. Thank you to Professor Randy. That was one great Last Lecture!

*Click on the video or the logo WSJ to start the video if pressing on play doesn't work :P

Deep thoughts on a Windy October morning...

I was going through our forum at www.misyononline.com and saw an old post by my boss. It had a link to an article entitled, 'A Glint of Sapphire' and it was a reflection of sorts by the author and his wife as they celebrated 45 years of marriage. Wow! In this day and age, such longevity in marriages is to be celebrated indeed.

I'd like to share some lines from the article which struck a chord in me and got me thinking about certain things. They quoted the old marriage rite (Pre-Vatican II pa ata) :

“You begin your married life, by the voluntary surrender of your individual lives, in the interest of the deeper and wider life you are to have in common. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its pleasures and pains, its joys and sorrows, its successes and failures, is hidden from your eyes now. Yet, these elements are mingled in every life. They are to be expected in your own.”

An iron-clad commitment follows: “And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health, until death do you part.”

I hadn't realized until reading this quote that the Church has a very balanced view of life and what it entails. The quoted portions of the rite acknowledged the elements that would be needed for a fulfilled marriage. One element that I found significant is found in the line... "the voluntary surrender of your individual lives, in the interest of the deeper and wider life you are to have in common". Voluntary surrender is an act of the will. You choose to give up your preferences and wants. What for? I know nowadays, there is a strong advocacy for individual rights but then marriage according to these lines is not about individual rights but about a communal life. I used to see surrender as synonymous to defeat but I have been learning that isn't always the case. Surrendering, especially in the context of giving up for something better makes one a victor and not the vanquished. What for are we called to surrender in marriage? We are called to surrender in the interest of a deeper and wider life that is to be lived in common.

No one can quite say, they weren't fairly warned :P I like the line "voluntary surrender of your individual lives" -- yup it is indeed a choice and a choice made everyday I think... :)

And what reassures me is the line that says despite not knowing what is ahead, the couple takes each other as is in all circumstances. No ifs and buts about it. Now that is commitment. I used to want to be 100% sure of my choice of a mate. But then I cannot see a 100% into the future and how things will be but as the article stated,

“And if the unselfish spirit of sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to a person in this life,” it pledged. “The rest is in the hands of God.”

And I think that's the safest place for my marriage to be at. :)

Eye of the Storm

September is drawing to a close. Right around the corner is October. That leaves me with less than three months before the wedding. I'm trying not to panic and to stay on top of things but I do get this feeling of time slipping through my fingers before I can adequately maximize all that it has to offer. I admit I swing in either two directions when that happens. First, I either procrastinate -- an infantile desire to have things fix themselves so I let things slide. Second, I may become almost like a headless chicken rushing to and fro trying to get everything done in one day. Sigh.

On this yet again rainy day, I pause and try to regroup myself and have a better battle plan than staying within the realm of Stephen Covey's 'Urgent/Important' quadrant. I can do this, I tell myself. I have to do this :) No one to pass the buck to nor anyone dogging me to get this or that done. It will get done, by hook or by crook (I say that now with a determined nod of my head, my eye on the calendar, my mind racing with a million and one 'to do' things).

Despite the urgency though, I am glad that I have not yet lost that joyful spirit, thanks to my times of prayer everyday and my fiance's strong support, felt even from a distance. When things are done gladly and with joy it indeed ceases to become a burden. Today is the eye of the storm. I use this time to regroup and to assess how best to tackle the days ahead that I may not lose sight of the goal -- the day God's promises are proven true.

So enough blogging for now. Time to tackle that calendar that has been calling my name the past hour or so. Time to make a battle plan and to carry it through. May God keep me always at the center of His peace. Amen.

As I tackle the list in front of me...this music is playing in the background, soothing me...

Need to study...

I came across this quiz and it made me realize, I need to brush up on my theology... :) It has been awhile since I read a good Catholic Theology book...


Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Friedrich Schleiermacher,You seek to make inner feeling and awareness of God the centre of your theology, which is the foundation of liberalism. Unfortunately, atheists are quick to accuse you of simply projecting humanity onto 'God' and liberalism never really recovers.

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Prayer from the Heart

It's been a while since I blogged...obviously :P I was busy living instead of blogging about living... :)

Anyway, my fiance was in town since September 5 until the 24th so it was more interesting hanging out with him than being in front of the computer. Besides, the only reason I stay in front of the computer most days (other than work-related) is to keep in touch with him and since he's here in the flesh -- best to focus my attention on the real thing. Now that he's back to being on the other side of the world, the computer becomes once again my friend. :P

Since I'm taking a break from doing another sideline, I read this prayer from Chicken Soup of the Soul's website. I found it quite apt for what I pray for Junby and myself. I'd like to share it with you here:

A Prayer for Couples

By Marianne Williamson

Dear God,

Please make of our relationship a great and holy
adventure.
May our joining be a sacred space.
May the two of us find rest here,
a haven for our souls.

Remove from us any temptation to judge one another
or to direct one another.
We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
We know You are our Answer and our rock.
Help us to not forget.

Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections,
but guide us in the ways of holiness.
Save us from darkness.

May this relationship be a burst of light.
May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us,
for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing,
a vehicle of Your grace and power.
As lessons come and challenges grow,
let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
Let us always remember that in each other we have
the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man,
the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we
are repaired.

May we remain young in this relationship.
May we grow wise in this relationship.
Bring us what You desire for us,
and show us how You would have us be.

Thank you, dear God,
You who are the cement between us.
Thank You for this love.

Amen.

Oh to be super human...

Was in-between certain tasks at work and stumbled upon this quiz.



I came out as being close to INVISIBLE WOMAN. Bagay ba? Hanapin nyo muna ako :P Back to work na...hehehe

Timely Reminder

I have been feeling out of sorts the past days but by God's grace, I see each day through. Pressure from within and without, I guess. . . and maybe pouring out to others have left me a little. . . out-of-sorts. Not exactly drained but not exactly flying in high heavens either. This morning during my time of prayer, I just asked God to find me again. I have days/moments like that where I feel I don't have what it takes to keep running the race of Faith. Anyway, today, I have seen God's faithfulness. I'm about to work on a project, which I've been putting off but which I really need to do something about now. Yet before doing so, I hedged one more time and instead opened my e-mail on the pretext of checking for "important" messages.

Well God I believe can communicate through any means even technology and so I decided to check out a post of one of my friends on multiply. Yup, God did indeed speak. It was good to be reminded of some truths in this video. I've copied it here so that others may see (if anybody does check my blog that is :P) and take heart. :) Thank you Jesus...thank you...

Memories of times past

When things become too much to take in at once, part of me wishes to go back to a time when the world made sense, I made sense. Songs help me get there. Here is a song that comes from one of my Papa's favorite artists, Richard Clayderman. I used to have a crush on him... :P Those were the days... and today is such a day that I need a memory from the past to draw comfort from. Thank God for music (the language of the soul, in my humble opinion)...

Pop Psychology

I like taking tests. Yes, I know I'm weird but we all have our own brand of weirdness. I guess mine is the desire to find out how I fare in terms of tests, quizzes and pop psychology stuff. So here are my results for a quick Color Test. Quite on the dot, if I do say so myself.... :)

Mitzi took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Shelves her ambitions and forgoes her desire for p..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Take it yourself if you have five minutes on your hands. It's always good to know one's self better. :)

A poem from Long ago...

Taking a break from the regular work I do for Misyon, I decided to try stumbleupon again. It's a cool add on of Firefox which brings me to sites that I would not have stumbled upon if I had used the regular search engines. It's fun actually since I don't really know what site would be presented to me. Though the sites given to me are more or less along the perimeters of the categories I had indicated.

Well this cool, overcast August afternoon, I stumbled upon an old poem. Reading it brought back memories of hearing my maternal grandfather reading different works of poetry to us when we were kids, instructing us to roll our r's and to enunciate whenever we attempted to read these works of literature aloud. This old poem is from one of my Lolo's favorite poets, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I believe its an apt poem for how I see life nowadays....

A Psalm Of Life

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;--

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

I found this wonderful poem at READ PRINT, a free online library which holds thousands of books for students, teachers and classic enthusiasts. I thank Lolo Ting for teaching me to love the written word. It has guided me along life's paths, teaching me through the different protagonist and antagonists the dynamics of living. One need not live everything for learning to take place. At times, learning vicariously through another's experience is enough. Through the different characters of the written word, I have as Longfellow aptly put it, "Learn to labor and to wait."

Beam me up Scotty...

Trying to stay awake, I stumbled upon this little test. For those who are fans of Star Trek, you might like to check this out and at the same time you can relate :P I took the test trying to see which Star Trek character I would be. Would you agree? The results show that I have the personality of:

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Always in control, you are a great leader, delegates, and diplomat. These qualities attract people to you, and this sometimes annoys you.

Aloof, introspective, and philosophical; you enjoy quiet time in solitude.

Take the Star Trek Quiz